Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5727 of 6370
Wonders if getting excited in your car is considered autoerotic?
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07-30-2010 15:15 by Mike
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Sometimes I think if it weren't for the free coffee I would never go to work.
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07-30-2010 15:06
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"Cannot connect to network, try resetting your wireless router." Umm OK but what if my router is in my neighbor's house? Should I call him?
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07-30-2010 15:05
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If I were a pilot I would scream "WE'RE GOING DOWN" every time I landed the plane.
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07-30-2010 15:02
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It's hard to find a birthday present that says "I think your a douche but I still want a piece of your cake please."
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07-30-2010 15:01
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In addition to Casual Friday, I propose the following: Punch A Coworker Monday, No Pants Tuesday, Drunk At Work Wednesday, and Call In Sick Thursday.
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07-30-2010 15:00
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My definition of urgent and yours must be different. Answer this, IS IT ON FIRE?
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07-30-2010 14:58
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I believe in love at first sight which is why I quit looking homeless people in the eyes. Just can't risk it.
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07-30-2010 14:57
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I think this coffee is broken.
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07-30-2010 14:56
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I like to slip condoms into the carts of little old ladies at the store and then watch their reactions when their checking out.
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07-30-2010 14:55
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If you're starting a sentence with "not to sound like a b*tch," guess what you're going to sound like...
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07-30-2010 14:54
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If girls just wanna have fun, then why do they get upset when you don't want a relationship afterwards?
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07-30-2010 14:53
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If your password is "password" then that is not the only thing I know about you.
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07-30-2010 14:52
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I will kill you, alarm clock. And your whole family and anyone you've ever cared about.
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07-30-2010 14:51
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Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
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07-30-2010 14:51
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My grandmother just asked me why I don't have any photos on Facebook. Well, at least I know my privacy settings are working properly.
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07-30-2010 14:50
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The funny thing is, you can't tell if I'm naked...
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07-30-2010 14:49
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I can finally sympathize with women after I had to make a CVS trip at 2 am because my XBOX controller ran out of batteries.
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07-30-2010 14:48
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Wanna have some fun? Ask a really stoned person to say the word indubitably.
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07-30-2010 14:47
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You know you're a redneck when you go to Walmart and take pictures of yourself.
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07-30-2010 14:47
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