Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.....
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither theory works.
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to the bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A good rule of thumb is, if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error.
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There's nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home!
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If God sneezed, what would you say to him?
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you think nobody cares you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is bra singular and panties plural?
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wish I had a time machine to go back to 1968 so I could show all the pretty ladies what '69 is going to be like.
←Rate | 08-20-2009 15:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon killed Kenny... (You ba$tard!)
←Rate | 08-20-2009 09:16 by SP Comments (0)  

   messageicon While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart
←Rate | 08-19-2009 23:43 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
←Rate | 08-19-2009 17:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not!
←Rate | 08-19-2009 17:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
←Rate | 08-19-2009 16:33 by z Comments (0)  

   messageicon f you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito
←Rate | 08-19-2009 15:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon pretty sure it's what Jesus would have done...
←Rate | 08-19-2009 12:07 by Mike Comments (0)  

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