Funny Status Messages

   a true smarta$$ and can be quite b*tchy at times too - but it's my natural defense against stupidity!

   If I sat down for 10 seconds with a pad and pen, I could totally write a song for Yo Gabba Gabba!

   I keep losing at solitary Hangman - must be the sadist in me

   Scientist have discovered an area on Mars that might have once contained life. Alien scientist have made the same discovery about the Gulf of Mexico.

   checking the obituaries for any cool job openings

   Yankee's A-Rod just tapped his 600th. 14000 shy of Wilt Chamberlin.

   I believe in ghosts. I believe in aliens. But theres no way you will ever persuade me into believing in alien ghosts. Ridiculous.

   I'm going to start naming my word documents "The Earth" so when I'm done, my pc will ask me if I want to save "the earth or not

   They laughed at Louis Armstrong when he said he was going to go to the moon. Now he's up there, laughing at them.

   Just because you are chained to the fence...doesn't mean you can't bark at a few dogs

   revising the whole webster dictionary.

   "America's Got Talent" should be renamed "America's Got Weirdos".

   Shaquille O' Neal in green? Anyone else thinking Shrek?

   There are certain truths in life: Lasagna just tastes better the next day as a leftover!

   I have never understood why advertisers feel the need to show you extreme close-up shots in dog and cat food commercials. Its not like we are the ones eating it?!?!

   I enjoy working out at the gym. It helps me to know that other people are suffering with me!

   Definition of a Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

   loving Brett Favre's annual cover of the song "Should I Stay or Should I Go"

   told this morning he/she look great today by a stranger, I felt great, until I realized they were blind

   Always be sure to keep a good Facebook profile picture. This will be the photo plastered all over the news when something goes horribly wrong.