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Don't you hate people who throws their own son under the bus?
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07-27-2018 09:34
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If they handed out awards for peeling a hard boiled egg with grace, I would get absolutely nothing.
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07-27-2018 12:13
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I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. I'll even remove your duct tape.
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07-27-2018 12:18 by
Kisstopher707
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My friend likes country music so I wrote him a song for his birthday called I Went Down On My Sister And It Tastes Like Daddy Ate Pineapple.
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07-27-2018 12:24
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1
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me: it's not about how many times you fall, it's about how many times you get back up cop: that's not how field sobriety tests work
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07-27-2018 13:44
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Her: "Undress me with your words." Him: "There's a spider in your bra."
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07-27-2018 13:51
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What do you call a man who has everything? A bachelor.
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07-27-2018 17:21 by
Jake
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At least good old Bill didn't have to pay for blowjobs and sex.
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07-27-2018 18:18
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I asked my wife what would you do if I won the lottery? She said I'd take half, then leave you. Great, I won $50.00 here's $25.00 bye bye.
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07-27-2018 21:03 by
Jake
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For the first time I went into another room an actually remembered why I went there...... Ok so it was the bathroom but still I remembered.
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07-27-2018 22:09 by
Jake
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0
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The moon’s so bright ya gotta wear shades.
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07-28-2018 02:01
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If illegals in California start using plastic straws, will they finally be deported?
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07-28-2018 08:28
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It's hotter than a spoon at Demi Lovato's house.
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07-28-2018 08:46 by
GlimmerTriplet
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My mating call is the sound of a lone chainsaw in the night.
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07-28-2018 08:55
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Netflix should probably just start asking "Is there someone I should call?"
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07-28-2018 08:58
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"Did I ever tell you I played sport in high school?" - fat people
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07-28-2018 09:30
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If I'm reading this DNA report correctly, the thin lines here and the thick lines over here mean nothing is my fault.
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07-28-2018 13:21
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I'm at that delicate stage in a relationship where my bf is trying to untie the ropes to call the police.
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07-28-2018 13:23
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Life is just one, giant, wrong hole.
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07-28-2018 13:40
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If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.
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07-28-2018 23:12
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0
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