Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I saw an unemployed,homeless dwarf. He had a sign that said "No job. Too small."
←Rate | 11-29-2009 10:01 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon This Christmas, let's put misteltoe in our back pockets so all the people who hate us can kiss our ass!
←Rate | 11-29-2009 08:46 by Mr. Craig Comments (0)  

   messageicon never meddles in the affairs of dragons, for he is crunchy and good with ketchup
←Rate | 11-28-2009 00:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if it wasnt for bad luck, i'd have no luck at all!!!
←Rate | 11-27-2009 21:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I was a jumper the first place i'd jump is right into megans fox's panties..:)
←Rate | 11-27-2009 19:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Theres a party tonight. Climb my leg and you can have a ball..
←Rate | 11-27-2009 19:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You're not a douche because you paint your face and dress up with spikes on your shoulder pads, you're a douche because you're a Raiders fan!!!
←Rate | 11-27-2009 18:27 by mat2sm00th Comments (0)  

   messageicon heard Tiger Woods drive hit a sprinkler head and then went into the trees.
←Rate | 11-27-2009 17:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinking..Tiger driving and hitting trees is nothing new, but I will bet he hasn't hit one off a fire hydrant before.
←Rate | 11-27-2009 15:48 by Vybe Comments (0)  

   messageicon worried that my latest Salvation Army donation will result in homeless people looking like sluts from the 90s
←Rate | 11-27-2009 15:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you're single and unhappy, try being married!
←Rate | 11-27-2009 14:33 by mat2sm00th Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders why there is no swine flu in Iran and asks if it is because of veils or not
←Rate | 11-27-2009 12:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Former Cuban leader Fidel Castro is reportedly a huge fan of President Obama and thinks he'd doing a great job. Boy, Obama hasn't had PR this good since the Rev. Wright was campaigning for him. Maybe he can get Gaddafi to say something nice too.
←Rate | 11-27-2009 12:41 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon Horse racing is just like NASCAR only slower.....and with poop.
←Rate | 11-27-2009 12:26 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..has Claustrophobia. She's afraid of Santa Clause.
←Rate | 11-27-2009 12:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chocolate is the answer to EVERYTHING!
←Rate | 11-27-2009 11:58 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Character cannot be developed in peace and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved
←Rate | 11-27-2009 11:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ... all in all we're just another brick in the Wal(Mart).
←Rate | 11-27-2009 11:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What is it with the absent reference status messages. When people say things like "I can't believe you would do that" or anything with "You know who you are." We don't and frankly, we don't care. It's just you posting your drama filled life up to generate
←Rate | 11-27-2009 09:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon uses the exclamat!on po!nt a l!ttle too much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
←Rate | 11-27-2009 02:01 Comments (0)  

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