Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon at 8:45 pm , facebook had an EPIC FAIL
←Rate | 11-23-2009 20:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon proven the myth that a bird will always crap on a freshly washed car... Now, where'd I put that bb gun?
←Rate | 11-23-2009 20:49 by bricktop Comments (0)  

   messageicon 3 blondes comes across some tracks. 1st blonde "Its deer tracks!" 2nd blonde "No! Dog tracks!" 3rd blonde "No! Its bear tracks!" They were still arguing when they were hit by a train.
←Rate | 11-23-2009 20:34 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a person offends you, do not resort to extremes, simply watch your chance and hit them in the head with a brick.
←Rate | 11-23-2009 20:24 by bcj Comments (0)  

   messageicon instant superhero, just add alcohol
←Rate | 11-23-2009 20:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon money may not bring her happiness. But she'd rather cry in a Mercedes than in a bus.
←Rate | 11-23-2009 20:09 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Know what I love about my dogs? I can lock 'em in the trunk of my car for an hour, and when I open it, they're excited to see me. Can't do that with a wife...
←Rate | 11-23-2009 19:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon happier than Adam Lambert being dragged backwards through a cornfield
←Rate | 11-23-2009 16:41 by nofags Comments (2)  

   messageicon If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
←Rate | 11-23-2009 15:17 by fefe Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was going to ask my wife for her honest view on sexist jokes..she was too busy cooking though.
←Rate | 11-23-2009 13:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why are women like clouds ? Because when they **** off its usually a nice day
←Rate | 11-23-2009 13:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Female Black Widow spiders kill and eat their mate after mating...ya know, I think those bugs are really on to something! :)
←Rate | 11-23-2009 13:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If there were no such things as bears,what kind of hugs would we give?
←Rate | 11-23-2009 12:02 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon has decided to unleash years of ninja training on the world =.= OR I'm just gonna eat supper and go to bed....hmmmm....well I guess the world is safe for another day
←Rate | 11-23-2009 09:33 by Travis Comments (0)  

   messageicon everybody could learn a lesson from the weather.. It pays no attention to criticism
←Rate | 11-23-2009 09:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Daaaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home..
←Rate | 11-23-2009 05:03 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon still confused after one of the presenters on Children in Need said, "pick up your phone and pledge". I'm still sitting here with the phone in one hand and a can of furniture polish in the other, wondering what the hell I'm supposed to do next.
←Rate | 11-23-2009 04:44 by deithy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Russia declared Wednesday a National Day of Conception to stimulate the birth rate. Any couple who gives birth nine months form now will win money and prizes. This is what countries without a Mexican border have to do to increase their population.
←Rate | 11-23-2009 01:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Taylor Swift wins over MICHAEL JACKSON?!? Where the heck is Kanye when you need him!
←Rate | 11-23-2009 01:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinking the shortest book ever written was called negroes I have gone yachting with
←Rate | 11-23-2009 00:13 Comments (0)  

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