Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to a bicycle.
←Rate | 01-04-2018 07:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You never hear songs about wishing they could all be Texas girls.
←Rate | 01-04-2018 12:24 Comments (0)  

←Rate | 01-04-2018 23:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint
←Rate | 01-05-2018 00:12 by Luka Comments (0)  

   messageicon Friends are a lot like trees they fall down when hit multiple times with an axe
←Rate | 01-05-2018 00:13 by Luka Comments (0)  

   messageicon So according to CNN and Sky News, 2017 was the 2nd wettest year on record. Personally I blame "Fifty Shades of Grey"
←Rate | 01-05-2018 03:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
←Rate | 01-05-2018 07:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Use the forceps, Luke!" -Obi Gyn Kenobi
←Rate | 01-05-2018 08:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lindsay Lohan bitten by snake while on vacation in Thailand. After hours of rolling around in unspeakable agony the snake finally died.
←Rate | 01-05-2018 08:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What costs hundreds of millions of dollars but is worthless? 2nd place in a presidential election.
←Rate | 01-05-2018 15:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's sad when the best looking girl from Texas happens to be Sandy Cheeks from Spongebob Squarepants.
←Rate | 01-05-2018 15:10 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Never laugh at your wife's choices. You are one of them.
←Rate | 01-05-2018 17:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It’s Thursday… or as I like to call it, “Day 4 of the hostage situation.”
←Rate | 01-05-2018 19:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon FOX & Friends? Who in their right mind would want to be friends with FOX? It's a lie, FOX has no friends.
←Rate | 01-05-2018 19:58 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Two F-words rednecks can't stand: Fire & Fury.
←Rate | 01-05-2018 20:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There sure were a lot of lesbian nuns in the 70s.
←Rate | 01-05-2018 22:13 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Take it to the next level. Fire and Fury audiobook narrated by Hillary Clinton.
←Rate | 01-05-2018 22:58 Comments (4)  

   messageicon Babies cry at night to prevent their parents from making another one.
←Rate | 01-06-2018 00:34 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon my new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
←Rate | 01-06-2018 01:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Winter storm named Grayson sounds like it should be wearing a tweed jacket
←Rate | 01-06-2018 02:44 Comments (0)  

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