Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   I've seen a lot of people discussing the Tupac hologram and debating if it's disrespectful to him. I personally think we're losing sight of what's really important here... we're one step closer to having holographic strippers in our living rooms!

   I will make a book called Math for dummies and I'll sell 1 for 10 dollars or 2 for 30.

   I'm going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I'm going to haunt grows everyday.

   My ex sent me a picture to remind of what I'm giving up. I sent her a picture of my new girl so she knows I don't give a crap...

   I got a job as a bounty hunter in China, I couldn't believe my luck!...Every time they put up a new wanted poster, the guy they were looking for was standing right next to me!

   Responsible. Who wants to be responsible? Whenever anything bad happens, it's always "Who's responsible for this?"

   Toddlers have an uncanny ability to hear & repeat every cuss word you utter but ignore every suggestion on avoiding injury & imminent death.

   Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up!! You don't know where it's been!!!"

   Almost 7 billion people on the planet and I find about 10 of them somewhat tolerable once in a while.

   Why do they even make car alarms anymore? When's the last time you heard one and didn't just walk away muttering about what a douche they are?

   When you start to believe your own lies is when you know you're getting good at it.

   Props to the radio stations!! I know it must be difficult with the different lengths of songs yet you still manage to sync ur commercials with every other radio station!

   Just signed all my Facebook friends up for free samples of Astroglide. Happy Holidays!

   When the Spice Girls chose their "Spicy" alter-ego nicknames, the girl with the biggest boobs should have chosen to go by Spice Rack.

   Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.

   My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.

   Getting older means I no longer have the energy to do many of the things I enjoy in life, for example being awake.

   The postage is outrageous on these mail order brides!

   I would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for that group of sexually repressed potheads who kept talking to their great dane.

   I remember a day when actions used to speak louder than words. Then along came Facebook.