Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   I feel bad that God made you so stupid, but no, I'm not doing extra work to keep you from looking bad.

   Today the glass is half full but I don't trust the water is filtered, the glass looks dirty & the person that served me has an open wound on their serving hand

   I'd be a terrible fireman, if anyone said their roof was on fire I'd tell'em "You don't need no water, let the mutha f'er burn!"

   Ford F-150 commercials make it seem as if hauling loads of crumbled boulders over mountainous terrain is a commonly-practiced thing.

   If having Rainbow Bright stickers on my face is wrong, I don't want to be right

   a guy on Maury found out he was not the father and said "it dont take blood to be a daddy" but actually it does. all dads have to have blood

   "Okay, then why'd I just do that?" - Me, after punching someone who just said "Everything happens for a reason."

   Look, grocery store, if you're going to play Asia's "Heat of the Moment," there *will* be spontaneous produce aisle dancing.

   Saw an ad in the paper about making money buying abandoned self storage units. Or as I like to call it: entry level grave robbing.

   Tomorrow is of course the start of what most rock stations call Rocktober.

   Mariah Carey grew to hate Christmas. After she recorded all I want for Christmas is you, she only gets a house full of relatives now.

   I can tell when someone is lying just by the simple fact that they begin asking a question by saying "Quick question".

   I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn't look that much different from my actual head.

   Sarcasm is not a way of speaking, it is a way of life.

   If I ever write thanks as thx you have full permission to smack me.

   Nothing is more terrifying than making eye contact with the guy running that mall kiosk.

   Why would I dance like nobody's watching? People need to see this.

   When will the US State Department recognize the Man vs Food nation

   So you say Red Bull just isn't enough kick for you anymore. How about I set you on fire? That will get you up and moving. For a bit anyway.

   Now that we've seen Nancy Grace's nipple on Dancing with the Stars, the FCC should pay Janet Jackson back every dime