Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5364 of 6371
This afternoon after work, I plan to take my talents down to the bar
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12-03-2010 05:52
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noticed a recent increase in former girlfriends on FB that are now married. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them. But with the divorce rate in this country I should be getting some nice rebound sex sooner rather than later.
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12-03-2010 05:36
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wow it's R. Kelly cold out there! And by R. Kelly cold, I mean "in the teens"
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12-03-2010 05:07
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This Christmas I'm going to surround the fireplace with bubblewrap so I can catch that Santa and ask him why he never got me that pony when I was little and see how he is going to make it up to me or I will hold Rudolph hostage.
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12-03-2010 05:02 by acreak
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Just so we're clear: I know we agreed not to purchase gifts for each other this year, but you weren't serious. :)
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12-03-2010 04:43
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Turtles can breathe out of their butt, which is incredible, considering most humans can only talk out of theirs.
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12-03-2010 03:28
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so poor that the alarm system in my house is a sheet of bubble wrap on the floor.
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12-03-2010 03:27
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Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
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12-03-2010 03:24
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Girls: just remember each morning when you put on makeup, somewhere in the world a clown is starting his day doing exactly the same thing.
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12-03-2010 03:21
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Hallmark Card: "I've always wanted someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
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12-03-2010 03:20
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Sometimes, late at night, I stop by Walgreens and switch up all the colors in the hair dye kits.
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12-03-2010 03:06
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Just saw the couch I sold at my garage sale at another garage sale
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12-03-2010 03:04
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Decisions are made when I'm tired of thinking.
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12-03-2010 03:03
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Grandma knew 27 spots on the human body where she could inflict pain without leaving a mark. She was like a Ninja.
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12-03-2010 03:02
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Its pretty sad when even your xmas tree has blue balls.
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12-03-2010 03:01 by Ronnielee
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Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
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12-03-2010 03:00
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"Until death do us part” means we're all single in heaven, right?
Honk if you love God, text while driving if you want to meet him...
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12-02-2010 23:22 by Sam K
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How did Miley Cyrus get a pack a day smoker voice at 18?
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12-02-2010 23:03
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Ur as slutty as a bowling ball, you get picked up, fingered, thrown down an alley and still come back for more...=P
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12-02-2010 22:45
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