Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   I've gone to bed like 6 times tonight and I've ended up on Facebook every time.

   I do lots of stuff in my back yard that's illegal to do in public.

   Any man who laughs at women's clothes has never paid the bill for them.

   I don't care about your opinion enough to argue with you about anything.

   Take a lesson from the weather. Learn to be talked about without responding.

   When I really like a girl, I take her home to meet my parents so she understands why I can never get married.

   I may not be able to walk straight, but I can drunk dial... Like a boss.

   You know what's worse than your tribal tattoo? The story about why you got it.

   Admit it, once in your life, you've tried to guess someone's password but failed.

   Rule of thumb when hitting on co-workers... if you're cute, it's flirting. If you're not... it's sexual harrassment.

   A North Carolina waitress was fired for complaining on Facebook about a small tip she received. A lesson to all servers who like to post online complaints: write them where they'll never be seen — on MySpace.

   Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?

   feels sorry for all the hassle Toyota drivers have had to put up with the last few weeks, they deserve a brake...

   Facebook should just change the status question from "What's on your mind?" to "What's your problem today?" ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶*´¨`*:.☆

   I hate when people inbox me to tell me how funny my status es are... Motherf*cker there is a "like" button for a reason!

   Facebook has pretty much made it impossible to ever again say, "I had no idea it was your birthday!"

   With the success of "Teen Mom" as well as "16 & Pregnant," MTV is proud to announce their new show "15 & F*cking."

   Always pick the girl smoking ultra-light cigarettes... it means she's used to sucking a little harder to get what she wants.

   I can't stand people who blame everyone else for their problems. I'd be successful and happy by now if it wasn't for them.

   If you only remember one thing today, remember this.