flinnie Funny Status Messages

   I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers

   Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.

   I'm still waiting for my chance to shout "UNHAND me you fools!!" as security escorts me off the premises.

   it possible for an Asian to take a picture without making a peace sign?

   I hope these "reduced guilt" brownies help me get over that hobo I murdered

   I have a reoccurring nightmare that I am startled by bank robbers who shout "EVERYBODY GET DOWN!" and I get shot in the face for dancing.

   4 out of 5 bubble baths result in Santa Claus beards.

   I'm sorry I ran over your dog but in my defense I was texting! You're being awfully judgemental for a blind man

   "Porn stash" sounds too seedy. I prefer to call it my "Guybrary."

   I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.

   Polls show that if the election were held today...an overwhelming majority of Americans would be very surprised.

   I remember a time when our country put aside its differences and came together as one. To show our contempt for Hollywood awards shows.

   I don't think any woman could ever break my heart as much as the prequels to Star Wars did.

   The Mayan Calendar says the world will end on Dec 21, 2012, which really means a lot of babies will be born on Sept 21, 2013.

   Does anyone know what the other half of the battle is?

   Just read my daughter's diary & I'm shocked and horrified by her spelling: "Falayshio" "Vycoton" "Kill Prinsaple." It's embarrassing.

   The only way this middle seat could be more uncomfortable is if the in-flight movie were "Your Parents Doing It: A Documentary"

   When will the US State Department recognize the Man vs Food nation

   In an interview years later, Prince's former boss Mr. McGee said that he never disliked Prince. He just liked Morris Day better.

   Foot fetishes are for men who don't know what boobs are