Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Five bucks says I'm totally broke.

   wishes Jersey Shore was like survivor, so they could all vote Sammi off the island.

   The Social Network...Probably the first time I've actually read the book before I saw the movie ...

   The worst part about waking up alone is not having someone to kick out of bed to make me coffee.

   Why are all the birds dyin? seahawks, falcons, ravens, eagles

   An angry mob of nerds can be dangerous. The only thing stopping them from tipping cars is physical ability.

   Reckons that in the right light,at the right angle,if you squint & stand on on leg,I might look like I give a damn

   Facebook should have a ”no one cares” button

   I put minute rice in a slow cooker and it took 3 hours

   Money doesnt buy happiness it buys crazy a$$ happiness

   eating a raccoon taco, anybody want some?

   if Tyler Perry controlled facebook, it would have more drama and more cross dressing old men with family lessons....Be glad Tyler Perry does not own Facebook.

   Happy National Nothing Day!

   thinking why the hell are people confusing Green Hornet and Green Lantern... The only similarity is the word "Green"...No wonder movies like "Vampire Sucks" and "Disaster Movie", is able to achieve number 1 status. -_-

   thinks someone needs to falcon punch Gucci Mane in his ice cream loving face...

   thinking Gucci Man is retarded; what kind of man get a tattoo of an ice cream cone on my face? Everyone knows Ice Cream is the least threating foods of the food groups... What an idiot.

   just herd Jeopardy will pitting human contestants against a computer named "Watson"; TERMINATOR BEGINS! O_O

   Happy "James Earl Ray" day

   never take an angry women with you to target practice.

   I hate when people bring up a mistake you made a long time ago; negroe I was a different person two hours ago. -_-