Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5231 of 6370
If Disneyland is supposed to be the happiest place on Earth, then explain waiting in line for 2 hrs for a 2 minute ride and the $5 sodas.
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01-25-2011 21:01
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Love,Live,Exist and be loyal. The rest is a piece of cake. You only live once so live your life right
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01-25-2011 20:58 by jakoo
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Today's life lesson: If you can't wow them with brilliance, Baffle them with bullshit.
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01-25-2011 20:58 by ronjon
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Early preview of tonight's State Of The Union speech: It sucks. We're broke. Quit bitching. Goodnight.
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01-25-2011 20:57 by Bill
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I wish I could get 3 dollars plus a gallon for MY gas....I mean, it seems to be pretty high octane...........
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01-25-2011 20:52 by scottyp
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Women don't know what they want and change minds often. Lesson over.
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01-25-2011 20:29
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hates it when people say "plan in advance" or "plan ahead". Just say "plan"! Obviously its developed in advance and before, thats what a plan is!
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01-25-2011 20:18
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*Spoiler Alert* Tonight's State of the Union address will go as follows; There are no jobs,gas prices are outrageous, crime is on the rise, and the economy still SUCKS....THE END!
I am doing a hook rug of Bart Simpson. I REFUSE to use black and yellow. (Pittsburgh SUCKS!) Instead I am using Brown and Orange. (Die hard BROWNS fan!) Bart is ending up looking like Snookie.
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01-25-2011 19:59 by Hot Tea
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My 2011 outlook: Sports, work, beer, sex and bar-b-que.
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01-25-2011 19:50
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My 2010 in review: Sports, work, beer, sex and bar-b-que.
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01-25-2011 19:49
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Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?
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01-25-2011 19:29 by Will
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I don't need a relationship. What I need...is a friendship that will make it easy to lead into one.
Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.
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01-25-2011 19:07 by Will
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Lite: the new way to spell "Light," now with 20% fewer letters!
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01-25-2011 18:47 by Will
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Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
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01-25-2011 17:50 by Will
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There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.
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01-25-2011 17:50
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I refuse to go bungee jumping... I came into this world because of a broken rubber, I'm not leaving because of one.
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01-25-2011 17:48
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If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?
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01-25-2011 17:46
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it legal yet to kill ex-husbands?? If not, vote for me next election, and I'll make that piece of legislation my first order of business.