Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   I'm wearing that smile you gave me.

   The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won't go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.

   I'm no relationship scientist but I think men prefer girls who make their dck hard, not their life.

   Flirting is dangerous business. One wrong move and you're committed.

   Does anyone else feel that the only reason to drink coffee is so you are awake enough to go shopping at the liquor store or is it just me?

   Some rude idiot just interrupted my afternoon nap by honking his horn just because the light turned green.

   When you say "everything happens for a reason" and I kick you in your face... The reason is because you said that.

   Daughter walks in on her mom giving dad a hand job, "Mommy, what you doing?" Mom says "Your daddy is getting too fat, so I'm letting some of the air out of him." The little girl replies, "Good luck, the lady next door is just got done blowing him up again

   If the Olympics has taught me anything it's that China may have a population of over 1 billion... but they only have two hair styles.

   Crap....all this time I thought I was listening to the Angel on my shoulder. Turns out the Devil on the other shoulder is just a hell of a ventriloquist.

   Guys: Every two weeks, tell your lady that her new hairstyle looks great!!!! You might not notice it...... but trust me, they changed it. You can thank me later.

   You really inspire me to be a bitter person.

   I hope I never get Alzheimer's... I hate the thought of other people thinking that I should be remembering something that I'm not sure I would want to remember in the first place.

   I know two wrongs doesn't make a right, but I'm determined to find out just how many wrongs will.

   It's funny how the change jar slowly becomes all pennies.

   The more you show the person that you cant live without them, the more reasons you're giving them to take you for granted.

   If a stranger in a bar has never bought you a drink you are probably ugly.

   Mel Gibson, Randy Quaid and Charlie Sheen walk into a bar. I don't know what the punchline is, but I'm pretty sure the cops are showing up.

   We have the laziest Easter Bunny here....He didn't bother cooking or coloring the eggs and he hid them all in my fridge.

   I understand that your heart is in the right place. Unfortunately, your head is up your ass, and I ain't goin in after it.