Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   it still technically a "walk of shame" if I rollerbladed?

   We're only 4 years away from when Back to the Future 2 happens.

   At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture

   Things you can say when you have nothing to say: 1. It is what it is 2. It's just not meant to be 3. Everything happens for a reason 4. Word

   I really don't feel like "occasionally" stirring this

   Was just thinking .... What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?

   We're responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.

   What did things taste like before there were chickens?

   Roaches must be so pissed that they aren't ruling the world yet.

   I'm so hungry I even ate all the yellow Starbursts

   WTF?!? some homeless guy just dropped a stink pickle on the sidewalk in broad daylight, in the center of downtown.... Wow... Gotta love portland

   SWEET ! Bieber got lit up by C.I.S. , damn its only TV though...

   Just gave a squirrel some of his nuts

   I wish that some people wouldn't talk to me in the morning until I've had my coffee. (I don't drink coffee).

   Please read! URGENT! FACEBOOK VIRUS ALERT. An email recently went out to women asking them to post the color of their bra. THIS IS A VIRUS. To fix it, you must remove your bra, then go to Settings>Enable Webcam> Record Movie> Send to me ;) lol

   At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture.

   (Glass breaks) Woman: I think someones breaking in! Man: I'll take care of this! (grabs a toilet brush) Woman: A toilet brush? What are you going to do scrub him to death? Man: Would you want to be touched with this?

   I wonder if butterflies get humans in their stomach when they're anxious?

   Once you lick frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin

   Kinda feels weird when your computer asks if you'd like to continue unprotected....