Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5137 of 6370
It's not that I hate you it's just...ok, put it this way. if you were on fire and I had water. I would drink the water.
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02-23-2011 01:30 by ROB
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SuperGlue and NonStick Pan.... One of you is lying...
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02-23-2011 01:29
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See this Ipod ? Hear the music ? It's the only thing that's keeping me from killing you right now .
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02-23-2011 01:29 by ROB
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The fact that you continue to speak ,although I informed you I'm not listening, puzzles me.
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02-23-2011 01:27 by ROB
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You know how when you're kissing someone and you want to take them into the bedroom to have sex with them? Yea, well I don't want to do that with you.
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02-23-2011 01:22 by rob
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Fat women want to be thinner. Thin women want bigger boobs. Big-boobed women want clothes to fit better. And you know what men want? Women.
Love: Nature's way of tricking people into reproducing
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02-22-2011 22:27 by Alfred
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I just like the fact that Shotgunese is a universal language. Not every intruder will know enough of your native tongue to understand "Stop or I'll shoot!", but all of us know enough Shotgunese to understand "cha-shick".
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02-22-2011 20:18
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Who came up with hugs? The very first hug must have been really creepy. “What are you doing? Why are you holding me?” “Just trust me.”
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02-22-2011 19:54 by Speed
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I wish memories were like text messages so we could delete the ones we dont like & keep the special ones forever.
My grandma thinks the ipod shuffle is a dance move.
wondering what the person who discovered the somersault was doing to discover it. He had to be crazy
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02-22-2011 19:43
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Heroes get remembered, but legends never die. If you follow your heart you'll never go wrong.
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02-22-2011 19:43
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Sometimes you have to go through hell to get to heaven.
Now I'm not going to say Snoop Dog smokes alot of pot, but last night at a concert he farted and the entire first 3 rows got the munchies.
Needs to get off my butt and get some cleaning done :/ Just the thought of it spoils my "HAPPY" mood. My husband always tells me he wants me happy, so I guess I will leave the cleaning alone.
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02-22-2011 19:40
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I spend a lot of time wondering what normal people do in my situations.
Being a virgin in this day of age is something to be proud of. It is like being a unicorn!
I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How the hell did you get in here?" The other 2 didn't use shampoo
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02-22-2011 19:17
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Jesus walked on water, but I staggered on alcohol