Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   Hip Hop in the 90s was more simple. You always knew you could find all the party people in the house.

   I have to ask my wife where she wants to go for dinner at 1 pm so that the restaurant is still open once she finally makes a decision

   According to the TV ads, using Crest whitening strips will make your teeth shiny enough to use as an illumination devices.

   I miss Wesley Snipes. That man could act. You really believed for a moment that he was afraid of Michael Jackson in the Bad video.

   Today's best euphemism for self gratification: Buttering your corn.

   Stories that have been ripped from the headlines are the best. Except the ones ripped by bears. They're really hard to read.

   If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.

   If I were a Miss USA contestant, my go-to answer in the Q&A segment would be "Who cares? Did you see my rack and smile combo?"

   There's not many things more awkward than telling a guy with a rebel flag t-shirt you're from Gettysburg, Pa

   Many admit to being fools for love. But only Foghat had the guts to admit to being fools for the city

   Glass blowers always go glass to mouth

   The neighbor's baby is wearing a baseball cap. Like anyone would pick a baby for their team.

   If Wheaties are “The Breakfast of Champions” then cold pizza has to be “The Late Night Snack of Fat Happy People”, right?

   If someone says "I love you," and you don't feel the same way, say "I love Youtube" really fast

   Even as we speak, the Fine Young Cannibals try to find a way to revive their careers in light of recent news stories on cannibalism.

   I owe my bookie $300.I bet on a fight before I realized it was Rocky 4. I did the same thing with Space Jam and Air Bud

   i farted at work today, and a co-worker complained about the smell. Its air passing over $h!t what'd you expect it to smell like?!

   Shot some fish in a barrel today. More difficult than you'd think.

   FACT: being a constant delight just comes naturally to me.

   A semi-literate bear enthusiast will feel misled after clicking on the "grisly photo" link in Yahoo News Libya coverage.