Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5010 of 6370
Don't wear skinny jeans unless you have skinny genes. And two X chromosomes, Thank You
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04-04-2011 23:43 by Destiny
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I lost the bar trivia last night by one point. The last question was "where do women have the curliest hair?" Apparently the correct answer is , Fiji......
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04-04-2011 23:41 by Destiny
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you correct my grammar, you better believe I will watch you like a hawk until I repay the favor
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04-04-2011 23:40 by Destiny
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An Officer came to me and asked "Where were you between 4 and 6?" I responded "Kindergarten duhh."
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04-04-2011 23:39 by Destiny
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Facebook should change it from 'Friends' to 'People I've made eye contact with
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04-04-2011 23:38 by Destiny
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Enrique Iglesias is far too pretty to be swearing in his songs. Its like being flipped off by a unicorn.
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04-04-2011 23:37 by Destiny
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Dilemma: do I the wash dishes, or attempt to eat cornflakes from a cup with a knife?
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04-04-2011 23:36 by Destiny
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you better get a condom for your heart cause i'm about to f*ck your feelings...
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04-04-2011 23:34 by Destiny
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NCAA Championship: are you kidding me?. More like the best 'slapstick' comedy ever!
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04-04-2011 23:30 by Robert
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Made a list of all the things I still want to do while I'm alive. I put "listen to a Justin Bieber cd" straight after "Suicide". Cant wait...
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04-04-2011 23:30 by Shaun
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The world is gonna throw us a million reasons why this won't work out between us, but I'm armed with the one reason why it will.
You know that chemical that gets released in our bodies after sex that makes us think we like someone, hey science can you get rid of that?
Today I caught myself smiling... I was thinking of you... Don't flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
I couldn't stand to see you hurt. I would have to sit down, then I could really enjoy the show.
It's funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
I just ate the chocolate off of 6 peanut butter eggs and now I have a pile of peanut butter... Yeah boyee!!!!!!!!
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04-04-2011 22:49 by jgmitts
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There no need to miss someone from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
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04-04-2011 22:11
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1 Universe, 8 Planets, 7 Continents, 809 Islands, 204 Countries, and I had the privilege of meeting you.
You give me the kind of feeling people write novels about.