zinc Funny Status Messages

   perfectly capable of lying about whether or not he likes big butts.

   Poor (adj.) When you have too much month at the end of your money

   A woman can be satisfied with 3 inches.. it doesn't matter if it's Visa or MasterCard.

   Just found a new app that tells you which of your friends are family are racist, it is called facebook.

   You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed and that is pretty close.

   I'm going to celebrate Cinco de Mayo by puking tequila and gorditas on the side of a Taco Bell. i

   Cinco de Mayo makes me long for a world in which all holidays are conveniently named after the dates on which they fall.

   Baseball was made for kids, and grown-ups only screw it up. ~Bob Lemon

   I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer.

   just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It started off badly but by the end I really liked it.

   Did anyone ever tell those kids how to get to sesame street?

   People ask me why I don’t have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?

   It’s May 4 soon, the one day of the year when Star Wars fans celebrate being able to use quite possibly the best pun in the world: “May the Fourth be with you”.

   Whenever anyone mentions something about a vicious cycle, I imagine an evil bike that can't stop killing.

   Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, "Hey, at least I'm not pregnant." And I know happy days are around the corner. --daniel tosh

   Say no to drugs. Although, if you're talking to drugs, it may be too late.

   I've survived enough awkward high-fives to know they're not worth the risk

   I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan. Someone's going to be wrong.

   "You want proof that baseball players are smarter than football players? How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?" ~Jim Bouton

   Khakis: What you need to start a car in Boston.