nunthewizr Funny Status Messages

   ‎45% of the internet is pornography. 55% of the internet is lame.

   Before the internet I used to like people.

   Today is National, "I Really Don't Give a $hit" Day". 92% of FB Users won't post this to their profile status, will you or don't you give a $hit either?

   Very little scares me. So does very big.

   wondering why people with hundreds of friends on FB are spending their time on FB and not with one of them instead.

   Sometimes I wish I could be like Jeff Probst from Survivor. I'd love to walk into a Shift Briefing at work and say,"The Tribe Has Spoken"!!! Then walk over and extinguish their torch and tell them to pack their belongings and get the @#$% out!!!

   Great taco from Taco bell today......with the spoon of meat and all the lettuce I was not sure if it was for eating or smoking!

   Don't think of them as gingers. Think of them as sweet potato people.

   Man is it cold outside...just want to give a shout out to whoever invented the padded bra...THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!

   How come some people always think they have to have the last text?

   Was I the only one creeped out by watching, "The Time Travelers Wife"??? Nude adult male in the woods.....Six year old girl??? Just a little weird for a movie.

   Whenever I select "Next day delivery" for an online purchase, I imagine all these people running around yelling, "Code Red. Code Red!!" and scurrying like crazy.

   Took my Beanie Baby collection to a Pawn Shop today. Really thought they'd be worth a lot more. Back in the safe they go.

   Saw a lady at Walmart wearing those "shape up" shoes. Thought to myself, "Honey....there ain't no shaping that thing up."

   she serious with that outfit? Why doesn't she just paste a "For Sale" sign across her chest?

   Life would be better if squirrels liked sitting on our shoulders. You can’t be sad with a cool squirrel friend on your shoulder.

   Ever try to take a Barbie out of it's packaging??? What, is she going to escape? Is she into bondage?

   I want to date a girl with an accent. Well....maybe just a really slow girl that sounds like she has an accent. I'm not picky:)

   Why do they put slow cashiers on the speedy checkouts?

   Working on the art of the classic "Farmer Blow" technique. Figure I can save a lot of money on tissues with allergy season here.