SULLY Funny Status Messages

   Well, if this apocalypse doesn't work out, I hear there's a Jamaican calender that ends on 4/20 next year....

   NJ Gov Christie has cancelled Halloween… people are being asked to send any previously purchased Candy to the Office of the Governor.

   Whatever...... The kids table is more fun anyway.

   Dear Easter Bunny, no chocolate this year..... just bring me gas!! (not the kind that the boiled eggs give you either)

   Let's put Congress in front of Oprah...

   Good thing my drug dealer delivers rain, sleet or government shutdown......

   Red Cross taking donations for disaster relief...... Text "Irish"

   Every morning you have two choices: be productive and really shine, OR pour some coffee, log inn and start posting. Hello, darlings.

   BREAKING: Reality TV star Rod Blagojevich to move from NBC's 'Celebrity Apprentice' to MSNBC's 'Lockdown'.........

   NO, I'm not drinking alone. I'm here with all of my Facebook friends! That counts.....Yes it does!!

   I just went outside and I'm completely swarmed by jobs. All over me. Can't get them off.......Help

   Excuse me. Anyone know when the Occupy Hooters rally starts?

   The only thing that could make this Weiner story more perfect is if it turns out to be Arnold Schwarzenegger's baby....

   R.I.P Lindsay Lohan : (not really, I'm just practicing.......

   FYI - Remember to set your clocks forward an hour this weekend because we can only afford 23 hours a day now due to the sequester......

   No special plans tonight, but I'm thinking about throwing rocks at a foreign embassy and then grilling some burgers. Hit me up if you wanna join? My mom is coming too....

   Girl Scout cookies are a lot like crack. Only instead of a creepy sweatsuit wearing thug taking the cash, it's a cute kid with freckles & braces.........

   I think Nancy Grace is the first woman to ever experience blue balls....

   From this point on I propose that Herman Cain be known as Big Daddy Cain, and that he defend himself by saying 'It's a Big Daddy Thing.'

   Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat........