Jeremycakes Funny Status Messages

   I was in the nany for about 40 minutes until they kicked me out. Turns out the poop deck isn't what I thought it was. Man were they angry.

   Happy birthday America, you lovable old geezer!

   I finally got around to reading the story of the headless horseman.Up until now I always thought the story was about a horse rider that couldn't get a erection.

   Just had a fight with my toaster it wouldn't let go of my Eggo..R.I.P dear toaster you should have let go of the fricken Eggo

   People eat at Mcdonalds because they either.(A) love it but don't know how bad it is for you (B) Love it but they don't care that it's bad for you (C).Don't really like it but eat it because they desperatly need to clean out thier colon.

   gathering Kardashians to throw at you.

   Cherish your dreams ,as they are the children of your soul,the blueprints of your ultimate achievements.

   I'll always remember the last words my dad said to me before he passed away. "What are you doing with that gun?"

   I was in my doctors office the other day. he said "One last thing, you really have to stop eating so many eggs." I said "Is my cholestoral too high?" Then the doctor said " No, but you farted in the waiting room and darn near killed everyubody.'

   The pe*is has it rough! his hair is always a mess. His family is nuts. And his neighbor is a a$$hole.

   Just saw a commercial for the new movie "Hop". I don't think I'll ever look at jellybeans the same way again! ;)

   In America they call it Survivor, in Canada we call it camping.

   I saw a U.F.O at a football game the other night. It was just hangin there! And then it sent me a message,in big bright shiny letters. It told me I was gonna have a good year.

   Alcohol does NOT make you fat…it makes you lean…against tables,chairs,walls, floors and ….Ugly people!!!

   Chevy Chase has been getting that Christmas tree for over 20 years. You'ld think he would finally remember a saw.

   I'm organizing a bear wash to raise money for my favorite charity "The society for prevention of cruelty to Hobbits". Come to my house and I'll wash any pet bear you have, Grizzly Bear, Polar Bear, Black Bear etc. No Chicago Bears though, far too crazy!

   (Q) Reproduceing bees are called queens. What are the none reproduceing bees called? (a) Lesbees

   Hey Lady gaga! Madonna called, she wants her style back.

   I'm at Muppet labs with Dr Honeydew and Beaker trying to come up with a cure for dance fever. It's going well, although we've accidentally blown up Beaker 3 times. He's such a trooper.

   I wonder. Is it considered non-kosher to watch a Kevin Bacon movie?