Abraham Lincoln Funny Status Messages

   Bad Gun! Bad Gun!....Shame on you for making criminals do those bad things!.......And then those Forks that are making me Fat!!!

   For the first time in History, the average Canadian is now wealthier than the average American! Don't be discouraged though, this just gives us the option to borrow money from someone else now!!!

   $19.99 because $20 is an outrageous amount of money!

   My Wife tld me her fantasy would be to spend the night with George Clooney! Then she flipped out when I told her mine! Apparently, ''Melanie the lady with the nice body next door!'' wasn't a good answer!!!

   Let me know when you're off your Man-Period!!!

   You don't give up your car when someone else drives drunk! So why would you give up your gun when someone else commits a crime with a gun?!

   You can only say WTF so many times in a day before you just start drinking!!!

   Looks like Jerry Sandusky is still screwing kids(players) at Penn State even after he's gone!

   Right now the United States and China are tied in total Olympic medals! Of course we trail in Gold medals because every time we win one we have to turn it over to China to pay our debt!!!

   I do not like being told what to do unless I'm naked!

   There is nothing better than putting on a warm pair of underwear fresh from the dryer! I even like to scan the laundramat to try and figure out who they belong to!!!

   If it looks like a B!tch, talks like a B!tch, and acts like a B!tch! Congratulations you met my EX!!!

   I need a job! I can't eat Healthcare!!!

   I wish cake went straight to my Pen!s!!

   Whenever I buy a box of condoms I always look the cashier in the eyes and say ''Where's your fitting room?!''

   This is a list of people who asked for your opinion.................

   The view of your Bedroom is perfect from this tree!

   Just came from the Library and asked the librarian Do you have any books on ''How to find a job'' she muttered Most likely in the ''Fantasy Section!''

   You don't have to be Crazy to be my friend!........But it sure helps!

   Went for a job interview! The Boss looked over my resume' and says''For someone with absolutely no experience you sure are asking for a high salary!'' I said ''Well, Du'h...everyone knows the less you know the harder you have to work!!!''