Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The NFL has determined that we will follow the 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi,..... rule before allowing defenders to tackle quarterbacks.
←Rate | 09-24-2018 00:05 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: sorry mom, called you by accident.. Mom: no worries, had you by accident.
←Rate | 11-22-2019 05:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I tossed and turned so much last night that I woke up with an ab.
←Rate | 02-19-2020 09:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.
←Rate | 02-28-2020 06:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Irony of the old saying, "I wouldn't touch you with a 6 foot pole".
←Rate | 03-30-2020 13:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are driving alone in your car with a face mask on... Stay home... Even after this is over...
←Rate | 04-20-2020 12:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everything I need to know in life I learned in First Grade... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
←Rate | 06-05-2020 13:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are all the non essential oils out of work now?.
←Rate | 06-09-2020 08:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The difference between sex for money and sex for free is that in the long run sex for free will cost a lot more.
←Rate | 06-10-2020 09:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who cares about Elmer Fudd's rifle. I'm way more concerned about them taking Marvin the Martian's Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.🗼
←Rate | 06-14-2020 09:50 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change, hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
←Rate | 06-18-2020 08:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever someone invites me to their home and I see more than 3 cars parked outside, I keep driving just in case it's an intervention.
←Rate | 05-25-2017 08:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it that people who are the loudest about demanding respect are the ones who have done the least to earn it?
←Rate | 09-27-2017 07:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar
←Rate | 11-22-2017 02:45 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Police in Florida have arrested a man who said he finally achieved his goal of shoplifting in all 50 states. You know what you call someone who steals from all 50 states? Congressman.
←Rate | 08-14-2019 06:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm having a quarintine party this weekend. None of you are invited
←Rate | 03-23-2020 06:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro Tip: If you don’t have a mask, wearing a jock strap on your face tends to keep people at least 6 feet away from you.
←Rate | 04-27-2020 15:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
←Rate | 03-27-2018 20:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon *Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy
←Rate | 05-24-2018 02:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For all those calling for "Fathers Day" to be called "Special Person's" day, you already have a day of your own. It's April 1st.
←Rate | 06-06-2018 16:23 Comments (0)  




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