XXX-FUXY Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If your girlfriend sees you blow drying pen*s and asks “what are you doing???” Never!!! Never ever tell her - "heating your dinner honey!!!"
←Rate | 03-07-2012 18:26 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish my dog owned stuff so I could pee on it and ruin it to show him how it feels.
←Rate | 02-20-2012 13:48 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I could turn invisible I'd go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he'd get would be amazing!
←Rate | 02-20-2012 10:55 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Teacher: What comes after 69? Student: Mouthwash! Teacher: Get Out!
←Rate | 02-20-2012 10:48 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a date tonight...with my bed. We're totally gonna sleep together.
←Rate | 02-20-2012 10:45 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon A: I forgot my glasses, I can't read sh*t! B: You're not supposed to read sh*t, you're supposed to read books… Unless you're a Twilight fan. Then you read sh*t!
←Rate | 02-20-2012 10:42 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to tell if a girl is right for you? Text her and say: “Hey I lost my cell phone… Can you call it???” If she calls, move on…
←Rate | 02-20-2012 10:34 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon “Happy New Year 2000! Have a fantastic year, and successful 2000!” - New York Alzheimer's Society
←Rate | 02-15-2012 21:43 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd like to spend my Valentine's with the girl of my dreams… But she's gone by the time I'm awake…
←Rate | 02-14-2012 07:38 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon To the dude who flipped me off in the Starbucks parking lot for honking at him, before taking off like a maniac… You left your breakfast and coffee on top of your car…
←Rate | 02-11-2012 08:32 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Menstruation, menopause, mental breakdowns... Ever notice how most womens problems begin with men???
←Rate | 02-10-2012 07:16 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where to return for refund Mondays...
←Rate | 02-10-2012 07:13 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon The local orphanage called and asked for a donation. So I sent over two of my neighbor's kids.
←Rate | 02-10-2012 07:11 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Change is good as long as I don't have to do anything different.
←Rate | 02-10-2012 07:09 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon If at first you don't succeed, buy her another beer.
←Rate | 02-10-2012 07:05 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
←Rate | 02-10-2012 07:04 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you need space then work at NASA
←Rate | 02-10-2012 07:04 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more like her Ex. So I dumped her.
←Rate | 02-10-2012 07:03 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock...
←Rate | 02-10-2012 07:02 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Conference (noun), Definition: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
←Rate | 02-10-2012 07:02 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  



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