GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   Don't buy plastic skeletons for Halloween. It's terrible for the environment. Locally sourced all natural skeletons are more environmentally friendly.

   Everybody's a little bit crazy... It's just that some of us aren't afraid to take it out for a walk in public.

   If you unfriend me and then later decide to send me another friend request, there will be a $29.99 reconnection fee.

   I told the bank manager that I wanted to open a joint account. He asked who with? I said, "The customer with the most money".

   My boss asked me to write down two things I liked about my job. Apparently lunch time and quitting time are not the right answers.

   I'm stepping down from my position as an adult. It turns out this isn't for me but I appreciate the opportunity.

   Why did God make Adam before Eve? To give Adam a chance to speak.

   There. Summer is over. Hope you're happy you pumpkin spice loving psychos.

   It's finally October! Which means all of the cobwebs and dust in my house just became Halloween decorations.

   If one door closes and another one opens, your house is haunted and you need to run.

   A true friend is someone who knows how crazy you are and is still willing to be seen in public with you.

   If I blocked you on social media and you see me in the streets, the block still applies in real life.

   I bet aliens ride past earth and lock their doors.

   I hate it when I'm singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

   I swear all I do is work, come home, blink, and then I'm back at work again.

   It's amazing how Facebook can spot a fake post but can't spot a fake profile.

   People who worry about what kind of planet we're leaving for our kids might want to consider what kind of kids we're leaving for our planet.

   Stop trying to please people who don't like you and embrace the joy of being the most annoying person they've ever met.

   Post the four words every girl wants whispered in her ear.

   I've been on Facebook for 16 years. I remember when this was all farmland.