Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon When my mother in-law said she wants to be creamated. I immediatley made her an appointment for next week.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 23:00 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bigfoot saw me yesterday but no one believes him!
←Rate | 09-14-2018 19:09 by Truman Comments (2)  

   messageicon The I before E except after C rule has been disproven by science.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 18:31 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Five words that scares Trump and his band of Merry Conservatards: He’s agreed to fully cooperate.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 16:23 Comments (9)  

   messageicon I asked my friends, "Are you Ok?" and they replied, "Yes, especially if you give us half of your money."
←Rate | 09-14-2018 13:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What I if told you, you read that first part wrong?
←Rate | 09-14-2018 12:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is short. If you can't laugh at yourself, call me, then I will.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 12:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's not so much that I love karate as that I hate wooden - planks!
←Rate | 09-14-2018 10:27 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think people who use the wrong word should have the humidity to admit it.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 08:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you glue a dead wasp to your palm, you can smack your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 07:21 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon An average person farts 13 times a day......... finally!! I'm above average at something.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 07:03 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon It’s so cute when billionaire philanthropists donate less than 1%. Bless their hearts.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 04:46 by RyanRyan Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bean bag chairs are venus fly traps for anyone over 40
←Rate | 09-14-2018 01:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I felt naughty asking for my latte to be extra frothy
←Rate | 09-14-2018 00:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I always give fat people wrong directions so they can get much needed exercise.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 00:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Welcome to your 40's. You get horny anywhere, anytime. Without warning.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 00:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This guy at work said not to use (SSD) solid state drives because if they get infected with malware it spreads faster.
←Rate | 09-13-2018 19:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Come on people, drink a cup of Folgers and wake up.
←Rate | 09-13-2018 17:25 by IDTN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Most people write congrats because they don't know the spelling of congrajulashions
←Rate | 09-13-2018 13:45 Comments (2)  

   messageicon If you send an e-mail to someone in jail, are you allowed to attach a file?
←Rate | 09-13-2018 13:23 Comments (0)  

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