Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5 of 6376
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Short, bald, overweight man with missing teeth and no money, tired of being ignored by women, seeks a lady who is not superficial, materialistic or judgmental. Must be hot.
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06-03-2024 05:46
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Everyone needs a friend who they shouldn't be allowed to sit next to at a serious function.
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Get my tires rotated? Uh, pretty sure they rotate while I'm driving but thanks.
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I had a dream I was at work. I woke up and called in because I ain't working twice.
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I hate it when homeless people shake their cups of change at me. Like yes, I know you have more money than I do, no need to brag about it.
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05-29-2024 08:17 by Jas
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The three stages of life: Wanting stuff... Accumulating stuff... Getting rid of stuff.
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Men marry a woman, hoping she's a nymphomaniac, and in a few years, the nympho leaves, but the maniac stays.
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Girlfriend is a slut
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05-26-2024 13:31
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You know it's going to be a bad day when your imaginary friend files a restraining order on you.
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The police chief found Waldo dead in his apartment from a self-inflicted gun shot wound. Maybe instead of us asking "Where's Waldo?", we all should have been asking "How's Waldo?"
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05-26-2024 07:44 by Jas
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Please pray for my wife. Nothing is wrong with her. She's just married to me, and I am a lot.
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And yet again this morning No one was standing Next to my bed Saying Your Royal Highness here is your coffee.
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McDonald's is the only restaurant I know that repeats everything you said and still gives you the wrong order. 🙀
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Arguing with me is pointless, I knew I was wrong 10 minutes ago. I'm just trying to make you mad now.
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My ex just texted me, "Wish you were here". She does that every time she walks through a cemetery.
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I dont like my eyes, they show me things I dont want to see.
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If life hands you lemons, go find a kid with a papercut and make his life miserable.
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05-20-2024 06:49 by Jas
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I'm excited to announce that I have completed the first item on my bucket list. I have the bucket.
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They say you can't turn a Ho into a housewife, but thanks to Only Fans , you can turn a housewife into a Ho . 😉
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05-19-2024 13:01
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Money can't buy you happiness. But somehow it's much more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.