Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Joey Chestnut set another world record for eating the most hot dogs in the Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest. Tomorrow, he'll win the record for the biggest dump.
←Rate | 07-04-2020 16:48 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Seattle Supersonics are offensive to snails and turtles. 😛
←Rate | 07-04-2020 13:42 by MigdaGwig Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Chicago Bears are changing their name because it offends people who own a pic-a-nic basket and have a friend named Boo Boo.
←Rate | 07-04-2020 09:43 by MigdaGwig Comments (0)  

   messageicon Let me get this straight. I should wear a mask, gloves, sunglasses and a hat. That sounds more like a disguise to me
←Rate | 07-03-2020 15:40 by Lonnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Judge: "how do you plead?" Me: "your honor I plead oopsie daisies."
←Rate | 07-03-2020 11:50 by JCGJ Comments (0)  

   messageicon If someone has "some colledge" listed on their education history, the fact that they misspelled "college" is a pretty good indication that "some 3rd grade" is probably a more accurate assessment.
←Rate | 07-03-2020 11:32 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ask any Biden voter exactly why they're voting for him, on what merits, and ask them do it without bringing up Donald Trump. They can't
←Rate | 07-03-2020 10:54 by MigdaGwig Comments (1)  

   messageicon I can't really Walk the Walk or Talk the Talk, but if you need someone to Drink the Drink then I'm your guy.
←Rate | 07-03-2020 09:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so old when I was a kid the only kind of positive post we knew was on a car battery.
←Rate | 07-03-2020 07:34 by moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dogs are like unruly kids. The people who live with them love 'em. But they annoy the heII out of the rest of us.
←Rate | 07-02-2020 12:19 by MigdaGwig Comments (0)  

   messageicon t's been 11 years since Michael Jackson died. I'm surprised we aren't seeing Jacko impersonators like we see Elvis impersonators.
←Rate | 07-02-2020 08:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you realize that "Go hang a salami. I'm a lasagna hog" is a palindrome?
←Rate | 07-02-2020 08:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I order something online I always put "Cross moat, Slay dragon, Leave item on back porch." in the "Delivery Notes" box.
←Rate | 07-02-2020 07:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know you're broke when your bank flags deposits as "suspicious activity."
←Rate | 07-02-2020 07:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I Went To The Market I Saw A Lady Carrying A Baby Up Side Down
←Rate | 07-02-2020 07:38 by Lucia Comments (0)  

   messageicon I Have A Friend Name Nelson And His Nails Are Nasty
←Rate | 07-02-2020 07:30 by Lucia Comments (0)  

   messageicon I Have A Cat Name Milk And He Eats Milk
←Rate | 07-02-2020 07:15 by Lucia Comments (0)  

   messageicon I tried coke for the first time last night and never again! From now on, I’ll just stick to Pepsi.
←Rate | 07-02-2020 03:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now that Elmer has been disarmed, prepare for a huge population boom of cartoon rabbits ..
←Rate | 07-01-2020 23:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The way we're losing the Coronavirus surprised Mexico hasn't paid to finish the wall yet.
←Rate | 07-01-2020 23:11 Comments (0)  

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