Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If any part of your life is "ultra", I don't have the energy to be friends with you...
←Rate | 05-05-2019 08:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How can someone support anyone who ONLY supports the far-right?
←Rate | 05-05-2019 03:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon May the 4th be with you all today.
←Rate | 05-04-2019 12:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon brb getting down to business to defeat the Huns
←Rate | 05-04-2019 01:07 by @thegreatstonedragon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yeah, I've always heard of it, and the young and old, but the fact is that we have to be awake for a few days ago by the end of the season.
←Rate | 05-04-2019 00:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm an idiot, I suck do hard, so hard.
←Rate | 05-03-2019 23:10 by @Saltbread Comments (0)  

   messageicon I only buy extra virgin olive oil...Because I don't know where those other oils have been.
←Rate | 05-03-2019 14:15 by JohnY Comments (0)  

   messageicon I tried to order plain Jello at a restaurant and it was fruitless.
←Rate | 05-03-2019 13:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Avengers: Endgame, Spoiler Alert! Despite impossible odds and seemingly insurmountable obstacles, the good guys still manage to win.
←Rate | 05-03-2019 11:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thanks for bringing back a lot of classic diseases, anti-vaxxers!
←Rate | 05-03-2019 11:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon RIP Chewbacca aka Peter Mayhew. I’d like to say a few words if I may. RAAARAWWARARWAAAR.
←Rate | 05-02-2019 19:50 by Cicci Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I'm more night hamster than owl," I say, pushing another wad of food into my cheek pouch at 2:00am.
←Rate | 05-02-2019 10:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife likes it doggie style. I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead.
←Rate | 05-01-2019 14:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I owned a company, I'd make my stock symbol WTF just so I could hear the TV guys say WTF all day...
←Rate | 05-01-2019 10:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The government is not paying scientist to come up with fake scientific information for the fun of it. They don't want to misinform the world just because it's funny to do.
←Rate | 04-30-2019 16:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't understand people who say the moon landings were fake? I mean what did the government spend the 24 billion dollars on? To pay hundreds of thousands of people working on the Apollo program to sit around and play checkers?
←Rate | 04-30-2019 15:20 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon When it's all said and done, the world in Endgames was saved by a rat.
←Rate | 04-29-2019 12:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So I'm at a bar last night and I see this woman sitting alone. I move in and offer to buy her a drink. She says "Don't waste your time on me. I'm a lesbian." Quick to recover I asked, "Really? So tell me. How are things in Beirut?"
←Rate | 04-29-2019 08:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Big misunderstanding: I wish someone had told me ahead of time that I wasn’t required to disrobe at a “Gender Reveal Party”.
←Rate | 04-29-2019 07:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Breaking News: Federal authorities rule you can't be prescribed medical marijuana if your taking laxitives, Apparently you need to $h*t or get off the pot...
←Rate | 04-28-2019 00:43 by SEAN Comments (0)  

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