Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I don't recall what I can't recall because I can't recall it. Jeff Session
←Rate | 11-15-2017 18:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My sex tape is 60 mins long, 58 minutes of it are arguing
←Rate | 11-15-2017 14:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Donald Trump is presidential; Jeff Sessions is honest; Roy Moore is a Christian; and Blake Shelton is the "Sexiest Man Alive." It's like America has totally stopped trying.
←Rate | 11-15-2017 14:00 Comments (1)  


   messageicon wife: I'm having a baby. me: *handing menu back to waiter* I'll have a baby as well.
←Rate | 11-15-2017 13:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it wasn't for online porn I couldn't spell amateur.
←Rate | 11-15-2017 13:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only person I wanna chat with is my dog.
←Rate | 11-15-2017 13:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon -inventing vodka- who’s thirsty for yeast infected potato juice?
←Rate | 11-15-2017 13:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Superman wears glasses, everyone thinks he’s a different person. I wear glasses people say: “Hey, why are you wearing glasses?”
←Rate | 11-15-2017 05:06 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Irony: People waving Confederate flags telling others, "get over it, you lost".
←Rate | 11-14-2017 23:59 Comments (8)  


   messageicon those people in the office with the rolling cart full of everyone's mail....they really push the envelope
←Rate | 11-14-2017 20:54 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gross thought of the day... Vienna sausage juice.
←Rate | 11-14-2017 20:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Q. What does a day old donut have in common with Betty White? A. They're both pretty dry when you eat them.
←Rate | 11-14-2017 19:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll bet that hookers calculate their profits and losses by using a spread sheet.
←Rate | 11-14-2017 16:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb they dont know they are still in the dark.
←Rate | 11-14-2017 16:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What happens when you cross a Democrat with a pig ..come on now some things even a pig wont do ..
←Rate | 11-14-2017 16:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Name something to be thankful for this Thankgiving mine is that Hillary is not my POTUS
←Rate | 11-14-2017 15:57 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Kaepernick looks like a throw back 60 panther model on the GQ magazine
←Rate | 11-14-2017 14:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kaepernick is just looks like an idiot ..guess he is just as bad a GQ model as he is QB
←Rate | 11-14-2017 14:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have a Democrat passenger, you get free parking in the handicap zone.
←Rate | 11-14-2017 04:13 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Why should Libs be buried 100 feet deep? Because deep down, they're really good people.
←Rate | 11-14-2017 04:12 Comments (2)  



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