Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 5 of 6133

   messageicon Facebook: Where content takes a back seat to cleavage.
←Rate | 01-05-2021 08:10 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone freaking about how 2021 sounds like 2020 won. . . Well 2022 is gonna sound like 2020 too.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 18:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I imagine after the pandemic when people start socializing again Facebook is going to be about as popular as Myspace.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 15:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When it comes to women, the nastier the hole, the more turned on I get.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 10:38 by Clamdipper Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bubba Wallace's garage door pull was investigated more than election fraud.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 09:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just found a document that says all of our restrictions have been lifted! It’s pretty old though, it’s dated 1776.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a thirsty guy who digs your timeline pics. I love you and I'd do anything to meet you, although I've never seen you post anything with your pics that would lead me to believe you possess even the slightest semblance of a brain.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I forget real people’s names immediately after being introduced but I remember the Scooby-Doo gang’s names are Fred Jones, Shaggy Rogers, Daphne Blake, and Velma Dinkley.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon i’m almost fully convinced that the people who design jeans have never actually seen a human body
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The date went downhill fast after I questioned which house from Harry Potter she belonged in.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wishing everyone peace, love, and happiness in the new year. And if you’ve ever done me wrong, a touch of chlamydia.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That blue kool-aid that barbers keep their combs in tastes funny.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My hair stylist asked for a pic so she could assess my hair for a comeback appointment and I was just told she suddenly left the country.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve done a lot of crazy things in my life. Things I’m not proud of. Things I should be ashamed of. And I hope I’m not finished.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone tweeted that they had just baked some synonym buns. I replied, “Just like the ones grammar used to make?” Now, I’m blocked.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being a mom means always wondering where that pee smell came from
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My birth certificate is far and away my most impressive swimming certificate.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife: “Oh Honey, what would you do without me?” Me: “realistically or in my fantasies?”
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t post your New Year’s resolutions to social media. Two months from now, when you’re elbow deep in a bag of Cheetos, you don’t need anyone asking you how marathon training is going.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Star Wars films are like my wives – we don’t talk about the first 3
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:12 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left