m Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon "Half time" is that point in time when you are too full to eat a whole slice of pizza but you have plenty of room if you cut that piece into two pieces and eat them separately.
←Rate | 12-15-2014 19:58 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whoever made up the saying "It's the thought that counts" never got a pair ofcrocs for Christmas.
←Rate | 12-25-2014 07:50 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon No, I don't have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
←Rate | 12-27-2014 09:53 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon The good thing about this country is we have freedom of speech...the bad thing about this country is we also have Michael Moore.
←Rate | 01-26-2015 16:53 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Veterans Affairs Secretary Robert A. McDonald says he misspoke when he clamied he was in the "Special Forces"...he intended to say he was in "Special Education."...Easy mistake.
←Rate | 02-24-2015 15:12 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't see what the big deal is with the legalization of pot in Washington D.C. is...I always thought those people were smoking something anyway.
←Rate | 02-26-2015 14:45 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon This weekend seemed to go a little faster than most. :/
←Rate | 03-08-2015 22:02 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Blow me, I'm German...you can kiss the Irishman later.
←Rate | 03-17-2015 09:05 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lately, more airplane passengers have been killed by intentional acts of pilots than by terrorists...seems to me that the TSA is scrutinizing the wrong people.
←Rate | 03-27-2015 09:49 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
←Rate | 03-30-2015 11:36 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon I couldn't quite visualize what a nanosecond was until I dropped a piece of bacon and my dog had it gone before it could even leave a grease spot on the floor.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 11:57 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don't even have to hide a body.
←Rate | 04-03-2015 20:23 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon I really like the people who say; "60 is the new 40" because I know if I borrow $60 from them, all I have to pay back is $40.
←Rate | 04-27-2015 14:13 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon The good thing about a cell phone is you can be reached wherever you are....the bad think about a cell phone is you can be reached wherever you are.
←Rate | 04-27-2015 19:39 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's hard to find a good air guitar these days.
←Rate | 06-18-2015 07:29 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon When the morning hits your eye like a big smelly cow pie.... That's A-Mon-dayyyyyy......
←Rate | 08-10-2015 09:29 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon All of this "which bathroom to use" debate is ridiculous....why can't we all potty like it's 1999?
←Rate | 04-27-2016 18:10 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Has anybody actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life?
←Rate | 02-10-2021 12:37 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time..." Others begin with "If elected, I promise..."
←Rate | 04-18-2021 15:22 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who knew in 1987 when Steven Tyler wrote "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)" that it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy?
←Rate | 08-03-2021 16:33 by M Comments (0)  


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