doc Noland Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Today my daughter asked me if beavers have whiskers. I told her it's the woman's right to choose
←Rate | 08-08-2011 11:07 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon How can you just assume that a gallon of whiskey a day has a negative effect on my life?
←Rate | 08-08-2011 11:08 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most elderly women look like they put their lipstick on with their feet.
←Rate | 08-08-2011 11:21 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a woman compliments me on my looks, I assume she's ovulating or something.
←Rate | 08-09-2011 22:19 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon How come when women do it, they're "cougars," and when I do it, I'm "trespassing on school property"?
←Rate | 08-10-2011 16:12 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know my dream woman is out there somewhere. And that her boring friend is the one who's into me.
←Rate | 08-12-2011 01:20 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so lazy I just gave up halfway through a shrug.
←Rate | 08-12-2011 01:25 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of the unsung signs of depression is throwing away fast food trash in your bathroom trashcan.
←Rate | 08-12-2011 01:30 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon In bed, when a girl says, "I'm Old Fashioned," she means, "I'm from a time when people didn't want to have sex with you."
←Rate | 08-13-2011 20:55 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not so much anti-social as I am pro-being left alone.
←Rate | 08-13-2011 21:07 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon By the time you recognize the opening drums from "Superstition" on my spacious dance floor, you're already pregnant.
←Rate | 08-13-2011 21:15 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look out. The first song I heard today was Eye Of The Tiger. It scored my "looking for my car keys and wallet" montage.
←Rate | 08-15-2011 10:45 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some idiot just bought MySpace for 35 million. Now looks like the ideal time to sell my dusty old CD towers for 9 million dollars.
←Rate | 08-15-2011 10:48 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon TLC has announced that Kate +8 has been cancelled and has been replaced with a new show Casey -1.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 00:11 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Dominos Pizza Tracker should always end with "Your New Chin, You Fat Piece of Sh!t".
←Rate | 08-17-2011 18:08 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon In California, you can get a medical marijuana prescription for anxiety, insomnia, or wanting your Lean Cuisine to taste like real food.
←Rate | 08-17-2011 18:09 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon A nice name for a girl would be Regrette.
←Rate | 08-17-2011 18:38 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have said it before and I will say it again. IT
←Rate | 08-22-2011 18:21 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fellas--you CAN be friends with women, but if she's got those eyes that awaken the beast within, then relax and go see a movie by yourself.
←Rate | 08-24-2011 20:22 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once I'd like to yell, "You're a f#%$ing disgrace!" without feeling like a hypocrite.
←Rate | 08-25-2011 16:32 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  




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