BigSarge Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I wonder if guys who masturbate to feet, ever get off on the wrong foot..... ba-dum ching (Don't get up, I'll let myself out.)
←Rate | 05-22-2013 04:06 by BigSarge Comments (1)  


   messageicon Why are there jelly donuts but no peanut butter donuts? And why no peanut butter and jelly donuts? And why is my mother an alcoholic?
←Rate | 05-22-2013 04:22 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you watch Jersey Shore, Darwin cries.
←Rate | 05-23-2013 16:37 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I honestly believe the reason I get such a dark tan in the Summer is because I spent so many years working on a Suntan Oil Rig.
←Rate | 05-23-2013 23:23 by BigSarge Comments (1)  


   messageicon you are so beautiful that when we are out, people assume I'm dying and you must be from the Make a Wish Foundation.
←Rate | 05-23-2013 23:24 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stand next to a guy using a public urinal...Stare at him...Wait until he looks at you.Look in his eyes and say "Don't make this weird, bro."
←Rate | 05-24-2013 16:14 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please drink responsibly this weekend and don't drink and dri......Wait this is Facebook, most of you probably won't leave the house! ... Good talk!
←Rate | 05-24-2013 16:24 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
←Rate | 05-24-2013 16:31 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon If one more teenager uses the term 'Back in the day'...I swear I'm gonna smack the Cr@p out of them with a floppy disk and choke them with my Members Only jacket!!!
←Rate | 05-31-2013 16:12 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Ex-Wife once asked me to name a star after her...Fugly-McWh0re-B!t ch is the brightest star in the sky!!!
←Rate | 06-06-2013 03:08 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do you mean spray painting "SERVICE ANIMAL" on the side of my dog doesn't make it legal for her to be in Wally World?
←Rate | 06-06-2013 15:28 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just found a liquor store that gives air-miles. Should be visiting the Great Wall of China next week!!!
←Rate | 06-07-2013 02:45 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon To quit smoking I can either take a pill that may make me want to kill myself, or take no pills and want to kill someone else...... Conundrum
←Rate | 06-07-2013 02:46 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife says crazy stuff like "You're addicted to Facebook," "Pay attention to us" and "How could you not notice the house is on fire?"
←Rate | 06-07-2013 03:32 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I'll scream out "FACEBOOK WH0RE"!!!!! in the middle of the mall just to see how many of you are out there.
←Rate | 06-09-2013 03:12 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hand wash only" clothing in a man's closet stands for "wear 3 times and then throw away."
←Rate | 06-09-2013 11:49 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon People that will eat food even after they seen that I've pre-licked it to claim ownership, are my only natural predators.
←Rate | 06-10-2013 00:17 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
←Rate | 06-10-2013 18:28 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Living in Oklahoma I get a lot of dumb questions like "Where's the Buffalo?" & "why do I have to show you my bo0bies for directions to the buffalo?"
←Rate | 06-10-2013 18:30 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before you cancel my membership you might want to post a sign << Me to manager at my gym because apparently "tickle fairies" aren't allowed in the showers at this gym.
←Rate | 06-11-2013 09:28 by BigSarge Comments (0)  




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