Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon A woman's cleavage tells you the amount and type of attention she needs.
←Rate | 02-27-2014 08:15 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Somewhere someone's therapist knows you.
←Rate | 11-24-2014 09:24 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't, under any circumstance, believe I'll return your Tupperware.
←Rate | 12-10-2014 07:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he's called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
←Rate | 02-18-2015 13:03 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I still think I'm in my 20s sometimes...until I try to do something like I'm in my 20s.
←Rate | 06-06-2015 10:57 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
←Rate | 10-18-2013 02:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Disappointment usually stems from expecting too much from strangers on Facebook.
←Rate | 07-15-2014 00:30 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd love to come to your holiday party and stare at my phone all night.
←Rate | 12-17-2014 13:00 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yesterday I met my ex-girlfriend’s son and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.
←Rate | 01-06-2014 12:41 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
←Rate | 09-05-2014 13:22 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People think that in Africa we ride lions and elephants to work. That's ridiculous, we don't have jobs.
←Rate | 05-05-2014 02:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
←Rate | 12-19-2014 00:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you like her, tell her. Don't friendzone yourself. Have some balls. Be a man.
←Rate | 08-27-2013 14:05 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When it comes to a recipe for a disaster, some people thrive on being the main ingredient.
←Rate | 03-02-2014 09:50 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
←Rate | 10-19-2014 09:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when the whole Internet mourns someone’s death & I have to Google them to find out if they were a politician, an athlete or a Muppet.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 12:35 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
←Rate | 09-08-2013 08:19 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of these girls look like they masturbate to their own selfies.
←Rate | 01-04-2014 12:56 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're looking for me to be more tasteful and tender, marinate me in whiskey.
←Rate | 03-06-2014 12:28 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
←Rate | 10-06-2014 13:38 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  



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