m Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon All of this "which bathroom to use" debate is ridiculous....why can't we all potty like it's 1999?
←Rate | 04-27-2016 18:10 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Long Island Iced Tea drinks should be called "Learn to Plank in one evening."
←Rate | 07-09-2013 16:48 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon It is what it is, it was what it was, and it shall be what it shall be.
←Rate | 02-20-2013 12:36 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon defeat is not the worst of failures, not to have tried is the true failure!
←Rate | 03-17-2010 20:33 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every day is "hump day" to my neighbor's dog....get off of my leg you mangy mutt!
←Rate | 07-10-2013 10:40 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon There is an 80% chance that 4 out of 5 experts will agree on any given question.
←Rate | 08-19-2013 16:59 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chocolate covered raisins are another way to say; "I hate you."
←Rate | 07-16-2013 15:14 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon Has anybody actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life?
←Rate | 02-10-2021 12:37 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon I lost 50 lbs of ugly fat with photoshop.
←Rate | 10-17-2013 16:18 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Glass half empty, glass half full...it really doesn't matter how you see it, all that matters is there is room to add more vodka to that glass.
←Rate | 08-23-2013 23:51 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Great canned tuna fish recipe: 1-Open can of tuna fish 2-Sit can on floor 3-Yell; kitty, kitty, kitty. 4: Now, go order a pizza.
←Rate | 08-13-2014 20:41 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon This weekend seemed to go a little faster than most. :/
←Rate | 03-08-2015 22:02 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apple is now making incontinence products for the aging American consumer... iPEED will be on your store shelves soon.
←Rate | 08-20-2013 08:40 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon you can't control the economy, you can control your health
←Rate | 01-06-2010 16:29 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon RuPaul's idea of a "drag race" is totally different than mine.
←Rate | 10-03-2013 14:52 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon I woke up from a deep sleep to find my very despised ex girlfriend standing at the foot of my bed...she was naked and holding a 12 pack of beer in one hand and a large pizza in the other hand...this works for me.
←Rate | 07-31-2013 20:20 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon ****Drum roll please****I am glad to announce that today I became a 1 gallon blood donor. Hold your applause because it was not by choice...a mega-swarm of mosquitoes forcibly removed that gallon of blood from me when I accidently wondered int
←Rate | 07-20-2013 17:45 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon youre a doll you are flawless, I just cant wait for love to destroy us
←Rate | 04-08-2014 04:20 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some of the most anxious times in my life has been the time it takes a dropped knife to hit the floor instead of lopping off one my toes.
←Rate | 09-05-2013 21:43 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who knew in 1987 when Steven Tyler wrote "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)" that it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy?
←Rate | 08-03-2021 16:33 by M Comments (0)  

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