hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Too much of my life is spent trying to think of something to write on people's FB walls for their birthday other than "Happy Birthday!"
←Rate | 02-21-2013 04:24 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a horrible sleeping disorder where I have to wake up every morning and go to work.
←Rate | 03-25-2012 08:48 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon The more you know, the less you need to say.
←Rate | 02-26-2012 11:33 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our kids will never know the terror of calling their crush on a landline and having their parents answer the phone.
←Rate | 09-27-2012 04:10 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're going to stalk me at least notice when I'm running low on toilet paper & change the roll.
←Rate | 01-29-2012 08:10 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Put your GPS on full volume for your daily commute if you want to know what marriage is like.
←Rate | 02-05-2013 19:43 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
←Rate | 03-19-2013 08:21 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wasn't able to sell our kitchen table on Craigslist, but we did get invited to 3 orgies and a donkey show
←Rate | 04-06-2013 15:00 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before Twitter Americans had no way of knowing the illiteracy rates of their favorite celebrities.
←Rate | 12-29-2011 17:53 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're about to be turned into stone by Medusa, strike a hilarious pose and at least lighten things up for the next guy.
←Rate | 09-26-2012 04:27 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon You find out who your real friends are when all you have left to offer is friendship.
←Rate | 11-30-2012 16:00 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Interesting that a lot of religions are anti-pork because bacon is the thing that makes me believe in God.
←Rate | 03-01-2012 20:07 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've counted 8 people so far whose New Year's resolutions include "loose weight". Can I add spelling to your list too?
←Rate | 01-01-2013 17:46 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Judging by the disproportionate size of Popeye's forearms, I'm guessing Olive Oyl didn't put out much.
←Rate | 03-25-2012 09:00 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best stories ever told always end with the words"...and then I got the hell out of there."
←Rate | 12-09-2012 08:50 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon "The guy at the first window called you a little b!tch." - Me at the second window at the Burger King Drive-Thru.
←Rate | 07-08-2012 09:50 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837.
←Rate | 10-14-2012 07:44 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I couldn't find the thingy that peels the carrots and potatoes, so I asked the kids if they'd seen it. Apparently she left me yesterday.
←Rate | 02-24-2012 18:51 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think 7 years of bad luck are to much for breaking a mirror.. Try breaking a condom
←Rate | 01-08-2012 08:03 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I guess I should come up with a plan B in case the murderer that breaks into my house figures out how to get this blanket off of me.
←Rate | 01-14-2012 08:05 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  




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