eengrms Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The fastest land animal is a guy that sees a woman about to go through his phone...
←Rate | 08-14-2015 15:26 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life's tough. It's tougher if you're stupid...
←Rate | 07-28-2014 13:54 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only person who should have a gold iPhone is Mike Myers...
←Rate | 09-20-2013 14:16 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never thought I'd be the kind of person who'd wake up early in the morning to exercise. And I was right.
←Rate | 08-14-2015 15:28 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they're like, "Thank you for choosing Domino's."
←Rate | 11-22-2014 16:35 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Timehop is good for one thing, it's to remind me that I peaked a few years ago...
←Rate | 06-03-2015 15:44 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you...
←Rate | 03-17-2016 12:41 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tom Cruise is calling for boycott of McDonalds because there isn't enough pictures of L. Ron Hubbard on the McNugget box..... See how stupid it sounds when it's not your religion?
←Rate | 11-10-2015 15:50 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon What are they going to do now if they ever do a reboot of the Dukes of Hazzard?
←Rate | 06-22-2015 17:01 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon So Paul Walker was cremated... I hate to point out the obvious...
←Rate | 12-12-2013 16:17 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I could have a lazy Sunday but my to-do list is longer than Aaron Hernandez's rap sheet...
←Rate | 07-07-2013 13:40 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon So does this mean Jay-Z has 100 problems now?
←Rate | 05-03-2016 14:34 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm starting to think that Dr. Dre isn't a real doctor after all...
←Rate | 10-10-2013 20:37 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the future, imagine how many Go-Pros will be found buried under snow in the mountains containing the last moments of people's lives...
←Rate | 03-17-2016 12:42 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't ever say Obama wasn't the jobs president, look how many lawyers he is going to keep employed for the next two years...
←Rate | 11-25-2014 09:39 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Selfie sticks are this generation's fanny packs...
←Rate | 03-06-2016 20:13 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Statistics say more than one third of marriages start online. The other two thirds will end online...
←Rate | 01-19-2015 20:47 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon The stupidest, ugliest Presidential campaign in my entire life: House of Cards meets Sharknado...
←Rate | 05-10-2016 15:20 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love your neighbor, but don't get caught...
←Rate | 11-22-2014 16:32 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jason Collins is the best ball handler in the NBA...
←Rate | 04-30-2013 02:08 by eengrms Comments (2)  



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