andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon What if, when you see your therapist jotting down notes, he is only writing his tweets for the next day from your dialog?. Think about it.
←Rate | 11-19-2014 05:14 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon That girl who sells seashells by the seashore is a moron
←Rate | 01-17-2015 20:37 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon A certain "je ne sais quoi" is a terrible thing to have in a French hospital.
←Rate | 07-17-2013 12:22 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The great thing about waking up to 3 feet of snow is it gives me a legit excuse to skip my usual 5:30am 20K run.
←Rate | 02-14-2014 07:47 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
←Rate | 06-10-2014 05:13 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
←Rate | 12-26-2014 06:50 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt has got to be one of my top 5 favorite songs about identity theft
←Rate | 04-30-2014 06:48 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Vacation to Hawaii? Meh. Paris? No thanks. Venice? I'll pass. Back in time to being 7 years old on a Saturday? YES, PLEASE!!
←Rate | 02-25-2014 09:41 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had an epiphany, but I forgot it while I was trying to spell epiphany.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 05:49 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
←Rate | 09-09-2013 11:01 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon "This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel
←Rate | 12-27-2014 07:10 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Earth revolves around the Sun at a speed of 18.5 miles/sec and spins on its axis at 1,040 mph. So yeah, I got some exercise today.
←Rate | 05-02-2015 21:24 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING: PETA releases shock video of tiger, caught by toe, being detained despite hollering.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 01:50 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
←Rate | 01-27-2015 05:34 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hi, you've reached my voicemail. Please leave a message that I'll ignore until you text me like a normal person. Thanks
←Rate | 04-23-2015 11:12 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here's to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 05:25 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not hard of hearing. I'm tired of hearing.
←Rate | 05-20-2016 19:16 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that 'take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve' thing that girls do
←Rate | 09-23-2014 05:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I live by my father's motto: "Life is a football game. Try to fall asleep in the first quarter and complain if anyone shuts off the TV."
←Rate | 03-01-2014 09:57 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Europe, I lost a bet and have to watch a soccer game. Question: do these things end or do the players just die of old age?
←Rate | 06-20-2015 16:56 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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