Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You know you drank too much last night when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator."

   I gotta get outta this funk, I've somehow lost my spunk. I'm not cheery, or happy, and I hate feeling crappy. Perhaps I should just get drunk!"

   The Republicans are so happy about bin Laden they've granted President Obama full citizenship

   why do some people say Math instead of Maths? ,, its Mathematics not Mathematic..

   decided that I am not an alcoholic...I am an extreme social partier with a drinking habit...I say habit because a problem is something you want to fix!"

   A new medical study reports that men who eat ten pizzas a week are less likely to develop prostate problems at age 50. That`s because they are usually dead by age 40

   What do we call the science of classifying living things?... Racism

   sells toilet paper for a living.... When the world poops he eats.

   The Lakers and Celtics out of the playoffs, woo hoo! Go bulls!

   It's so annoying when someone is talking and I'm trying to interrupt

   Does anyone else see the Elephant in the room.. Or is it just me?

   Bin Laden's wife has just changed her FB staus to single

   Thinks Women are magic creatures: they get wet without water, bleed without being injured, give milk without eating grass, can make boneless meat ROCK HARD!

   When life hands you lemons it should only remind you to buy more tequila, life is as simple as that.

   They don't have an airport. Apparently you have to be driven there

   I've been to a lot of places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito, either. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't hav

   If Osama Bin Laden had a student loan, we would have found him Sept 12.

   I Googled Fudge recipes last nite. not the rusults I was expecting.

   To quarrel with a drunk is to wrong a man who is not there.

   There is no app that can show you who is "stalking" your profile, no video of Usama getting shot, no honest politicians and no Easter Bunny. So please quit being so permiscious with your clicker and spreading FTV's (fb transmitted viruses).