Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   Imperial units should only be used when measuring general levels of rebel scum.

   Corporation tip: Customer support should not sound like you are listening to a Bin Laden tape. I wonder if the FBI was listening in.

   People who say, "In my humble opinion" are almost never humble.

   Ready for winter to be over because I need to see the sun again and also so I can stop sitting on cold toilet seats.

   I think if I needed to create a successful television program, my target audience would be people with eyes.

   'You know what really pushes my buttons?....You People.' - Elevators

   I wish we could all just get along. Unless you don't like the same music as me; then you can eat sh!t & die in a fire.

   Remember the last rule of Fight Club is, "Most importantly: have fun!"

   just read wikileaks next bombshell is that Captain Crunch was actually only rose to the rank of Ensign

   "I got 99 chores and I ain't did one." - Lay Z

   N.W.A. didn't need the "W.A." The "N." established a pretty clear tone.

   I hate when I'm at someone's house & they ask stupid questions like "Who are you?" "How did you get in?" And "Is that a gun?

   Whenever I see fire truck rushing somewhere in the rain, I'm confused as to how the sky didn't already do the job.

   A new study found polar bears are capable of swimming vast distances. And they laughed when I warned of an aquatic polar bear invasion

   Every time I see a beautiful woman with an idiot, I think to myself... this is a pretty good picture of my wife and me

   Everything I need to know about whether or not cops are allowed to search my car I learned from Jay-Z songs

   if a tree falls in the woods it should break into a light jog so it looks like it did it on purpose.

   Spent the day attempting crazy driving stunts because I forgot to read the fine print at the bottom of a car commercial.

   My cat keeps telling me I have a drinking problem and that I need to seek help, but really I think he's just annoyed I won't stop singing.

   "You're so vain. You probably think this universe is about you." (Carly Sagan)