Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   At least someone's using the parade route they've had mapped out every year since '04...

   Dear Vancouver: Did your rioting get your Canucks the Stanley Cup? No? That's what I thought.

   Seriously Vancouver? Riots after you LOST a game? Wouldn't that be like smashing your laptop into pieces because you lost a game in solitaire?

   The riots in Vancouver have taught this American a valuable lesson. That Canada is in fact a real place, and apparently flammable.

   Dear Vancouver: Don't riot because the Stanley Cup Champions aren't Canadians. Riot because Nickelback are Canadians....

   The more you learn, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So...why learn?

   CANADA - Crying About Never Actually Defeating Americans 

   I'm convinced some of the news editors are getting a kick out of the weiner headlines: Anthony Weiner to resign: The congressman's rise and fall... (NY Daily News)

   wish Carlin was still here so I could hear his wiener jokes...

   Relationship Status: Committed to remaining single

   I'm praying Weiner gets his blood flowing and comes back bigger and harder than ever after all this.......

   Sometimes I fight with my Bf just for the make up sex..

   I am going to celebrate 2 Pac's Birthday today with a 12 pac.

   BREAKING NEWS: Rep. Weiner pulls out and resigns.

   Fran Drescher recently divorced her husband of 18 years because she found out he was gay..Does this really need a punchline?

   This status is for all those 20 year girls dressed in their underwear with a private contact email address that keeps wanting me to befriend them on facebook. I am 57 years old and the math says 57 goes into 20 a lot less times than 20 into 20. Denied

   I keep the city's best, never said she was the brightest. So if you had her too it don't affect me in the slightest. I never met a bi*ch that didn't need a little guidance so I dismiss her past until she dissappoints your highness.

   the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"

   I wish I was as dedicated to anything as much as I am to using movie lines in everyday conversation

   Not sure what's harder to believe the Canucks losing a game they invented, or that Honda thinks Zombies will help sell cars