Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hey K-Mac you dumbass. People walking across the street have the right away. Damn teenagers

   I here Weiner is on suicide watch. Someone's afraid he's gonna choke himself to death.........

   It seems like nothing really changes. Yet when you look back, everything is different. I must have blacked out again.

   My dog ate a condom last night. Try explaining THAT to the Vet as it's hanging halfway out of his arse!

   The only rule when a Genie grants you a wish is that you cannot wish for more wishes. Think outside the Box and wish for more Genies. The moral is that, every situation has a loop hole

   Today the glass is half full but I don't trust the water is filtered, the glass looks dirty & the person that served me has an open wound on their serving hand

   In my school days, I used to hate that one kid who always used to remind the teacher about tests, homework and quizzes. But sometimes I wonder how his life turned out though.

   Theee pppostt oofficee ssentt yyourr Vvvibratttorr hheree bby aaaccidenttt. Hhhoww dddo yyyouu sssshuttt ttthisss fffugginnn ttthinggg offffff?!

   Welcome to my heart. Today's menu consist of only two choices: take it or leave it

   That "HELL YEAH" moment after you read a text post that exactly says what you really feel and think.

   that awkard moment when your at the club using all the moves you learned from Just Dance,Dance Central, and Micheal Jackson's the Experience on the dancefloor...

   Stealing someone else's words saves you the embarrassment of eating your own.

   In school days I used to hate that guy/girl who always reminds the teacher about tests and vivas

   Hey Enrique Iglesias , umm when you said " I can be your hero baby ", did it work ? Cause its not working for me Lmaooo

   Damnit GeoCities has closed. Now where can I go to find a poorly designed website devoted to Ghostbusters movie quotes?

   thinks cocaine is a good way of telling you that you make too much money

   thinks that if atheism is a religion, then not collecting stamps is a hobby.

   Having children is like being at a never-ending press conference: "No, you can't get an iPod Touch - next question." "Yes, I know how to do the Cat Daddy - next question." "No, Disneyland is not economically viable at this time - next question."

   You don't have to like me. I'm not a facebook status.

   lady caca was way better when she was madonna