Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   A fun way to freak out new parents on Facebook is to change your name to their baby's name & tag yourself in all of their baby's pictures.

   I wonder if Fabio finally believes its not butter?

   Looking for a new job. One that I can sit at a long table, take off my glasses, and say "If your calculations are correct...my God have mercy on our souls" Pay negotiable

   When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend. No one could imagine why he was my friend.

   Son needed a topic for his science project and I suggested "A Science Project That Wasn't 100% Completed By Dad."

   We forget that it was Ben Franklin who said fish and guests smell after three days, and that Ben Franklin was a notorious guest murderer.

   Judging by how The Hulk speaks, he reacted badly to grammar rays as well.

   Proving other people wrong with your success is pretty selfish. Proving everyone else right by failing miserably shows you've got class

   Dance like no one is watching or just stop dancing in public you weirdo.

   I always cry at the end of Shawshank Redemption because Andy never finished carving that chess set.

   Feminist must be so offended every time they need to use a restroom and see the figure on the door still wearing a dress.

   My flyswatter is such a buzz kill

   The new ending to Harry Potter is lame. He says Abra Cadabra and Steve Miller reaches out and grabs Voldemort.

   Foot fetishes are for men who don't know what boobs are

   Hey, people who start stories with, "You're not gonna believe this!" Calm down. We'll probably believe it.

   My biggest fear is getting stuck in a soundproof glass box. Not because I'd suffocate, but because people might think I'm a mime

   Its hard to work when the theme song to the Gummi Bears cartoon is running through your head

   I think women are born with the right to warm their cold toes on men.

   People throw around the word "hero" too much. Use it for what it's for: a millionaire actor playing a disabled person.

   Online jokes have really suffered in this ecomedy. (exhibit A)