will Funny Status Messages

   If I wanted a job where I got screwed every day, I would have became a prostitute.

   Hi I'm the T-Mobile My Touch 4G. Since Apple gave Verison the IPhone and not us, we feel salty and are going to attack them in every commercial.

   Frosted animal crackers, proof that this generation is too fat!

   I'm pissed. Somebody stole my 330 million dollars!

   A blizzard in January, and a tornado in February. I didn't realize how bi polar mother nature really is.

   I'm sorry, Talking to you seems as appealing as playing leapfrog with unicorns.

   Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing. Then I can continue killing you with beer.

   99 bottles of beer on the wall. 99 bottles of beer. Take them all down skip the dam song, drink em all at once with a beer bong.

   If you have to have a job as host of are you smarter than a fifth grader. Then you just might be a terrible comedian.

   They say you can't make jokes about blind people, just watch me.

   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

   Boy sees his mom and dad having sex. Dad says "were making you a brother." Boy replies " do her doggy style, I rather have a puppy.".

   How much teenagers care about politics. Regular topic: lol wat? Presidential election: meh. Threaten the Internet: it's the most important thing ever.

   Class reunions are pointless now. Because of Facebook I see all you f*ckers everyday.

   knows Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words...

   The NBA has canceled the first two weeks of the regular season. In a related story who cares.

   I'm dreaming of a 90 degree Christmas

   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

   It's national cleavage day. Let's honor this holiday ladies.....

   Why is the Sunday paper available on Saturday, does nothing happen that's worth calling news on Saturday?