urboyblue Funny Status Messages

   When I hear someone say "Valentimes" I wanna punch them in the throat.....it's an N for No wonder you're alone

   If I could find a deaf, mute hot blonde....I would give her the world!!

   OK girls...we aren't ignoring you, we are not being disrespectful, we hear the phone ringing, we hear the text notification!! We still love you, thank you for all you do.....So go shopping or get your nails done, go out with the girls or get something wax

   My generation should be on Survivor!! This will be the 54th "end of the world" we have endured!! The Tribe has spoken....We are badas$$!

   If you hold a woman up to your ear and wait til the screaming stops....you can faintly hear her tell you she wants money, house, cars and fine jewelry!!

   God....if you give us back Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings or Freddie Mercury, we'll give You Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga in return, Amen!!

   If the rapture is Saturday...I hope the Lord knows that I was listening to the preacher while colorin'

   it wrong when your pubic hair is longer than your pubic?

   Paul Ryan looks like Doug, Dougie, Doug, Doug from "The Hangover"

   I can hear all the dogs in my neighborhood laughing their a$$es off at Michael Vick's performance tonight!! One year wonder??

   OK...if you're a fish, do you have to wait 30 mins to swim after you eat??

   Quick...I am a nervous wreck, hand me a brush and let me paint a Bob Ross Happy Tree!!

   Now that Britney Griner's collegiate career is over....do you think he will end up with the Heat and Lebron?

   I had a missed call at 3 am and I just now called it back. It was Jake from StateFarm

   Now that Black Friday is over, wonder if Mexican Saturday means things are free??

   I got a funny cigarette and a $2 bottle of wine and a beautiful blonde with me tonight!! Life can't get no sweeter!!

   Wonder if all the fake Facebooker's will be real on Halloween and tell us how their life is really going??

   Why do women like men who are smart, goal oriented and have a sense of humor?? Because opposites attract!!

   Oh it's Cinco de Mayo....that's why I keep seeing cars with 22 people inside back through a red light with a traffic cam, family portraits!!

   God looked at Adam when Eve fell into the ocean and asked: "How am I gonna get that smell out of those fish??"