tim Funny Status Messages

   wouldn't join any club that would accept him as a member.

   When you are a kid, it makes you proud when someone says "Wow! You’ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.

   wonders if suacide bombers text. "BRB ... J/K! I won't BRB." Or, "TTFN SYIHW72V" = ta ta for now, see you in heaven with 72 virgins.

   stealing mannequin legs -- the make great stocking stuffers.

   In Texas, the words Texas & Taxes sound alike. This makes today confusing for them, I bet. I'm not concered, I already did my Texas.

   I’ve often wondered what an atheist would do if stuck behind a car that wasn’t moving at a green light and had a bumper sticker on it that said "Honk if you love Jesus."

   I wasn't sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a f@#king dragon and sh!t myself.

   cleaning out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time.

   I bet the YMCA dance is a lot harder to do in Chinese.

   "You want the booth?!? You can't handle the booth!" Jack Nicholson working at Perkins

   and always will be the man (most of you have to grow some before using this)

   Slut? Weeeeell, let's just say she's had more d1ck ends than weekends.