gil Funny Status Messages

   If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so I can "like it" and laugh

   Somewhere in Kenya, a village is missing it's idiot

   To show my support for all the democracy protesters in the Middle East, I am shaving my balls today(They were getting hairy and I needed an excuse)

   Wishes the protestors would occupy Iran, North Korea, & Syria, instead of Wall street

   Today I wish a Happy Easter to my Greek Orthodox and Russian friends. Your ancestors really sucked at reading the calendar.

   Happy pagan fertility goddess and spring solstice worship holiday everyone!!

   This year's national billiards tournament in Vegas was cancelled. Charlie Sheen bought up all the eight-balls.

   Dear English Majors: How did the word "Dingleberry" get it's name?

   Best Film went to a silent movie made by Frenchmen and Best Foreign film went to Iran. 2 sure signs the world is ending soon.

   I'm a proud supporter of the Occupy sesame street protest.

   On this day, 25 years ago, Geraldo Rivera opened Al Capone's vault. WTF is he still working?

   Bill and Ted wrote the best bible when they said "Be excellent to each other". no other commandments or words of wisdom needed.

   "if you haven't gotten laid using facebook, you're doing it wrong" - 90% of facebook users

   Why do I get no "likes" when I mention cocaine and strippers in the same sentence?

   I hope everyone's fridge gets knocked out in the storm. Bama voters will be in line for new food-stamps instead of voting.

   The 2 living Popes come from the final 2 remaining countries in the World Cup. Checkmate Atheists!!

   I'm buying 100 Gyro-bowls for Christmas. I'm tired of spilling my vodka when I stumble out of the bathroom. who wants one?

   If Jack Black and Jack White had a baby together, what name would they use?

   A vegan, a cross-fitter, and an atheist walk into a bar. Who does the bartender shoot first?

   If anyone believes Osama Bin Laden was really buried at sea, I have a bridge in New York I want to sell you.