gay jeffery Funny Status Messages

   Love is when you wake up with your boxers around your ankles and your hands full of peanut butter, right?.

   "Business in the front, party in the back" would be a terrible slogan for a medical clinic.

   You are the only person who will see you wearing your novelty boxer shorts.

   ive started drinking raw milk. no homo

   If you don't listen to songs you loved in high school while you're drunk & cry as you text your HS gym teacher, than neither do I.

   My friend invited me over to play COD and now I'm dressed up in a fish costume. This is not what I was expecting.

   I find the butchest way to eat a banana is to take my dress off.

   "Does anybody know what time it really is?" - man with an irrational distrust of watches and clocks.

   Dugout: where baseball players relax between innings Doug-out: where Doug feels comfortable telling others about his sexuality

   I'm glad the whole planking phase is over. Now I can go back to napping on the sidewalk without worrying a picture will show up on Facebook.

   When somebody tells me to relax, I immediately do.-nobody ever

   Whenever I'm smoking in an open space and someone starts coughing like a b1tch, I throw a teargas canister at them and run.

   I just spent an hour chasing a rabbit trying to take a picture of it. What has instagram done to me?.

   Text me like its being read back to you by Chris Hansen.

   The most awkward part of going to a satanist church is when you get inside and everyone is wearing a snuggy.

   I just called Chaz Bono "lady" now I'm sitting back and watching the fire works

   I don't mean to sound dubstep but boommmm ngeeekkk whoobwobwobwobwob whawhawhaw.

   I'm allergic to people with peanut allergies. I end up choking to death because thats what happens when you put a whole person in your mouth

   The first thing I do before a fight is put my invisible armor on then crawl into a ball and beg for them not to beat m

   " well The ghost writer of ghost rider is the ghost rider from ghost rider is the ghost writer from ghost rider."-nicholas cage when asked who writes his movies