John Y Funny Status Messages

   K-WHEN, because everyone already knows why.

   Here's my tip of the day...If the person you're "in a relationship" with has they're status as "single" it might be time for a relationship reassessment.Or atleast don't act so surprised and whine constantly when it's finally over.Shut up already,your gro

   Leonardo DiCaprio cheering Orlando Bloom on as he was trying to punch Justin Bieber in the face is reason enough for me to like two of the three people named here.

   There comes a point in everybody's life when they feel forgotten by someone they'll never forget.

   Justin Bieber aka "Douche Nizzel" says Miranda Kerr made him a man... I didn't know she was able to perform such a specialized operation on such a fragile looking little girl. Man do I hate "celebrities"!

   The guy that named the Pterodactyl could have learned a lot from the guy that named the Fly.

   Just an FYI, whether I know you or not if you're a guy and you send me a friend request and your profile picture is you in a mirror shirtless mmm bye bye.

   Wouldn't it be ironic if you found out you were conceived on a pull out couch?

   If you had a sad or lonely childhood you're gonna be REALLY depressed by Bank of America's options for a security question. Unless you remember the name of you're imaginary friend or pet rock.

   Oh yeah I almost forgot, I truly couldn't care any less that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt got married. She's just another example of rich white trash.

   According to the “you snooze you lose” principle, insomnia should have me surpassing that doped up whack job Charlie Scheen in the winning department!

   If being single ever gets you down, just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and then go do anything you want to do.

   Guy's if you want to do your own thing in the upcoming new year, get your wife/girlfriend a treadmill and a Victoria's Secret catalogue for christmas.

   Now when she say's "deplorable" does she mean like when her husband stuck a cigar in places it didn't belong? I'm just trying to set a precedent here...

   Bruce Jenner can transition into whatever he/she wants to. All I ask is that his stepdaughters are transitioned into the bird $hi+ on my windshield, because I just got a fresh gallon of washer fluid.

   I just gave my "friends list" a good douching. It's been a while, and it was getting a little funky with all of those people in there.

   I’m not really into the idea of letting a set of made up ancient rules dictate my life. Hell I'm not real keen modern laws telling me what I can and cannot do!

   Success is 1% inspiration 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.

   People who have never had a suicidal thought have probably never touched a wet public bathroom door knob.

   Joan Rivers may have been too old to be an organ donor, but be on the lookout for some fresh new faces on your local mannequins.