JOser Funny Status Messages

   Hiding peoples status' on your news feed is the best way of sayin f*ck you're annoying but I don't wanna delete you cuz you'll notice.

   beer doesn't make me post better Facebook Status updates, it just makes me not care what you think of them.

   Today I tried the whole Yahoo vs Google thing. I typed "Why is there." Yahoo gave me "Why is there fuzz on a tennis ball" and Google gave me "Why is there a drunk Chinese man doing push ups on my front lawn." Google wins yet again

   I am used but in good condition

   Do I consider the cup half empty or half full? Depends on whether I'm emptying it or filling it.

   List of things I've accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List

   I wear an eye patch when I download music illegally.

   100 calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off.

   I'm not at all ashamed to admit that I pick my hotels solely based upon the items they show in the pictures of their continental breakfast.

   Relax. If you didn't want me knocking it over, why the hell did you write "tip jar" on it? Just for that, I'm taking my 15 cents back...

   Do you think there's any limit to how many blades they'll put on razors? Like in 2025 there will be the Schick Annihilator 100.

   Be sure to take the time to honor a soldier today by punching a politician in the face.

   People always demand to know who farted as if they'll decide how disgusted to be based on who's responsible.

   It would be some much easier for me to be compassionate, if compassionate meant smacking people in the head.

   Driving to work would be so much better if I didn't always end up at work.

   I don't trust people who don't have middle names...

   The only thing I hate more than people who make fun of other people is people who don't laugh when I do it.

   You post one little joke saying you won the lottery and Facebook finds you 1,347 new possible relatives.

   Criticism is the best sign you're onto something.

   I think my upstairs neighbors are shouting about who can stomp the loudest.