DYLAN BOSCH Funny Status Messages

   Do You Really expect everybody to believe your "in a relationship" with someone who doesn't have facebook? Your fooling no one..

   It's hard to be naked and baked without wondering why the two words don't rhyme."

   can't go to a nudist wedding, Women might mistake me for the Bestman."

   I Don't Care what anybody says, Nothing says I Love you more like standing in line for you're girl to buy tampax pearl."

   thinks I've found the cure for stupidity... a shock collar. And if it doesn't cure them, at least you got a good laugh watching them twitch."

   Someone quoted me incorrectly on Twitter again. I *HATE* it when I get mistweeted.

   Mess with me, I'll fight back. Mess with my friends, I'll hurt you. Mess with ones I love, and they'll never be able to identify you."

   I just received a letter from my bank that said I am approved for a loan and a line of credit. Somebody, somewhere, made a huge mistake."

   Love is photogenic...it needs darkness to develop."

   My friends over there bet me that I wouldn't talk to the most beautiful woman in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?"

   Just remember, everything happens for a reason. So when I smack you upside the head, remember... I had a reason!"

   Dear Santa, Don't bother coming to my house this year. I've been naughty and it was f*cking worth it, you judgemental son of a b*tch!"

   I get really uncomfortable when people ask questions about sex. Like: "Is that it?"

   Dear people in the apartment beneath me: banging on your ceiling doesn't make me want to finish any sooner. It actually makes me want to leave the vacuum on indefinitely....and I think I'll go take a shower now, too."

   Why won't the bank give me my cash in bags with dollar signs on them?.. That'd be cool."

   Don't you hate it when people start a whole conversation off you're status? C'mon guys, get a WALL!"

   ‎I don't remember anything from last night. Somebody must've put something in my drink". Yeah. If this was a game of Clue I'd have to go with "the bartender, In the club, with the vodka."

   wondering why Dora never tells her parents about the fox that keeps stalking her."

   It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the wine, or any other reason.”

   Women ask for advice on what to wear and then end up wearing the exact opposite.. that's why I think Snow Pants and Leather Jackets are sexy as hell on them."