Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Chuck-E-Cheese, because it's never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling...
←Rate | 04-30-2012 20:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "just kidding."
←Rate | 05-30-2011 01:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a shame that stupidity can't be converted into a usable energy source.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 09:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I did 26 situps this morning. It's not a lot, but then again how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock?
←Rate | 03-06-2011 00:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good thing I got this degree, just in case this unemployment thing doesn't work out.
←Rate | 10-13-2011 13:19 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't be stupid, if their ex is still calling its because they're still getting an answer.
←Rate | 04-01-2012 16:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
←Rate | 12-29-2010 15:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon My girl told me that her fantasy f*ck would be Brad Pitt. Then she went mental because I told her mine. Apparently Amber from next door wasn't a good answer,
←Rate | 08-04-2011 04:53 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it's my modesty that stands out.
←Rate | 05-23-2012 15:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Reason why I check my voice mail... 5% Because I care about my missed calls, 95% to remove that annoying icon.
←Rate | 07-08-2011 14:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the Zombie Apocolypse doesn't start out like the dance portion of the Thriller video I'm going to be pissed...........
←Rate | 06-02-2012 21:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Attractive female traffic cops should make it clear they are not strippers sent by your buddies BEFORE they tase me.
←Rate | 09-28-2011 15:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, "In Jesus name, amen,"
←Rate | 02-17-2011 20:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw the neighbor's little kid trying to spray whipped cream on his pet cat. I'm thinking he overheard something last night he wasn't supposed to...
←Rate | 09-06-2011 16:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you want me to go running with you, I'm going to need some motivation... Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us.
←Rate | 07-18-2010 21:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.
←Rate | 04-12-2012 16:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Billion Dollar Idea: A condom that changes color when it comes in contact with an STD.
←Rate | 01-13-2013 15:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon In hindsight, allowing girls into our treehouse would have been a great idea.
←Rate | 06-01-2011 14:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Survival rule #1: You go first.
←Rate | 05-14-2011 13:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
←Rate | 11-24-2010 07:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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